Musings of A New Girl
by Beryl Bloodstone
Summary: A humorous observation of the Kuroshitsuji characters in the mini society that is high school. A bullied Grell, the sexy Sebastian, an annoying Alois, and many more in the eyes of the new girl.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is something I pulled together for fun and I laughed tons of times so I hope you enjoy it! Make sure you review/story alert/whatever. It is very appreciated.**

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><p><strong>1~Totally Unrealistic<strong>

"All right, everyone. Pay attention," the teacher announced, making me wonder why my day has to automatically start like this. I mean, I'd rather begin my day with breakfast, not an insignificant introduction that a classroom full of chattering kids won't bother to listen to.

"This is O.C.; she'll be joining us for the remainder of the year so please make her feel welcome," he continued, searching for a seat for me to sit in. He seemed to purposefully ignore the hand waving furiously in front of us as he did. It belonged to a fag and by fag, I mean, fabulously animated go-getter. Don't start writing scathing reviews, people.

Having no choice, the teacher addressed the boy. "Yes, Alois?"

"What does O.C. stand for?" the blond asked.

"O.C.'s short for Ophelia Cornelius," I answered, immediately going to the back of the classroom.

I had the choice of sitting next to the creepy guy with the "you-might-as-well-drop-your-britches-now-'cause-you're-fucked" smile going on with his face or the rather severe looking guy who looked a bit too old to be a student. Then again, most kids today come out looking older than your usual teenager so I settled with sitting next to the guy who looks like he stuck his face in a blender.

"Would you like some cookies?" he eerily offered, holding out a jar of bone-shaped cookies.

"No. They might be infected with whatever you've been inhaling," was my reply, turning to the smiling guy. "What's _your _deal?"

"I think it's good to see a new face around, that's all."

So his voice wasn't all that rape-y like I thought. It was pleasant and I could sense that he had manners. Meaning that he might politely ask for my virginity then apologize for taking it if he couldn't accept "no" as an answer. Thankfully, that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

Once an hour and a half of class passed, the bell rang for next period. I glanced at my timetable, seeing that I would be having Gym. Freaking great. I was going to get victimized in the locker room, where you should never drop the lip gloss. Get it? 'Cause in jail, males don't drop the soap for fear of rape-oh, I don't need to entertain you!

I had received my gym uniform at home the day before therefore I had to participate in whatever activity that was on the agenda. I went inside the girls' locker room and noticed a lot of busty females (typical in every anime) taking their time dressing.

Except for this one girl.

She was slender, not curvy in any way and it came to my attention that who I was looking at was a long-haired, red-clad flamboyantly active godsend. Once again, this is comedy intended, not for you that are easily offended.

"Dude, why're you in here?" I interrogated.

"I'm a lady, that's why!" exclaimed the thin guy. He must be a metro.

"That's what _you _think. Have you taken a look at your downstairs, lately?"

The flaming ginger was about to begin ranting at me, but was interrupted by a bespectacled man who held his hand over his glasses just in case he encountered any half-naked bodies.

"Mr. Sutcliff, for the last time, you are _not _a female!" he corrected, dragging him out by the hair. The guy being dragged squirmed around in his hold, whining all the while.

"_Will!_"

I changed into my gym uniform and exited the locker room without being harassed, putting the gender-confused guy behind me. I came to know that the person who dragged him out was the Coach, William T. Spears. He was a real pain in the ass when it came to giving the class damn near military-training level exercises. Hell, I don't even know if the military even did this. We had to crawl under the bleachers before they collapsed into the wall.

I was in front of the redhead, crawling through the dust for the life of me. The space was starting to get really limited and I managed to escape from getting my organs squeezed out of their rightful places. Ginger wasn't so lucky and deciding to be nice, I grabbed his arms and pulled him out in time. Sure, he landed on top of me, but if he was as much as a lady as he claimed to be, he wouldn't enjoy the contact.

"Oh, my knight in shining armor~!" he squealed, blinking his eyes excessively. Flirtatiously. Provocatively. Suggestively. Ran-out-of-adverbs-ly. No matter how I put it, the guy was still really pouring the lust on me. Hoping that this was just a passing fantasy for him, I got myself out from under him and returned to Coach Spears for my grade for the day.

"B minus, Miss Cornelius," the glasses-wearing drill sergeant informed, writing in his grade book.

"B minus! How can you grade something as lethal as what you put me through so poorly?"

"Do you want that to be a C? Besides, Miss Cornelius, you assisted Mr. Sutcliff; it is only fair that you share the same grade."

I didn't stick around to hear anymore of Spears's nonsense and Ginger followed me to sit down on the bleachers which could've almost been the cause of our deaths. After a few minutes of silence, I glared at the green-eyed guy who cost me my first A.

"Do you intend to keep following me, Ginger?" I inquired.

"Ginger?" he repeated.

"Got any suggestions?"

"Well, Grell would be nice."

"Nice to meet you, Grell. My name's Ophelia. I don't care what you call me, just answer my question."

"I'll follow you to the ends of the earth if I had to, Ollie~!"

What the hell? I guess I asked for that, then. It could've been even worse. He could've called me pedophilia. Grell latched onto my arm, pressing his head against my shoulder.

"Why?" I groaned. I mean, I didn't mind having a boy hanging off of my arm. It's just I needed have a bona fide reason as to why he was so attached to me when I haven't known him for a full day.

"You saved me, that's why. That could only mean you care. A lot of people here don't really care if I get stuck behind the bleachers," he replied, in which I muttered, "I wouldn't, either" but he pretended that he didn't hear that and continued to share a story I didn't care too much for.

"Because I'm outspoken about my…eccentricities, I'm teased…a lot. I've been called every name under the sun: fag, metro, tranny."

"I plead the fifth on the first two," I said, hoping that I don't get bothered by him if I mentioned my harmful thoughts.

"You wound me, Ollie. At least, you're honest."

"No, you were supposed to slap me and run off crying like a…whatever one of those words you wanna use then go pester someone else who happens to save you from the bleachers…!" I ranted, running angry hands through my hair.

"I'm not gonna get rid of you, aren't I?"

Grell smiled, showing off teeth that seemed to belong to a shark's mouth. He buried his head into my shoulder again.

"What would you do _that _for?" he sang.

Give it up for unrealistic relationships! Yay~!

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><p><strong>What would you guys do if Grell suddenly taken a liking to you? C'mon, I see you with your rape face on...Leave a review, message me, check out my profile...<em>something <em>to let me know of your opinion. There is going to be a poll so go to my profile. It concerns who Ollie (lol) encounters...that is, if you guys enjoyed this tidbit...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the Reviews, guys. You peeps are absolutely wonderful! Hope that'll continue! Don't drink anything 'cause I will guarantee some knee-slapping laughter in this chapter! I'll be putting up another poll after this is posted so do me a favor and check it out! And without further ado...**

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><p><strong>2~Blenderface, Asians, and a bit of Rapeface<strong>

After I changed into my casual clothes, I was kindly escorted to my next class by Grell. Of course, this drew all the attention I _so _didn't need. I braved through it, however, and was relieved that I was at the door of my British Literature class. Ginger wouldn't let me go in peace, wanting a kiss ("with tongue~!"). I kissed the mouth from which that shrill command came with my fist, entering the room with a pissed off look on my face.

My fellow classmates glanced at my entrance, making me realize that I was the new girl yet again. My choices were limited in terms of choosing my seat and I found myself sitting next to Blenderface, the dude who offered me those dog treats he called cookies. You probably know his name so bare with me if I'm sounding a bit insensitive. I won't directly ask him because that would require interaction I don't want.

"Hello again," he sniggered, giving me a "I-don't-give-a-fuck-if-I'm-creeping-you-out-in-the-end-you're-gonna-get-assaulted-and-like-it-bitch" grin. Creepy ass bastard.

"Isn't that nice? It looks like we have _two_ classes together," I replied. Can you just _feel _the sarcasm dripping from my voice? I tried concealing my annoyed face with my hair, hoping that the guy would stop talking to me. Where's the teacher in charge of this class?

"Such pretty hair you've got there, love," commented Blenderface. I was really about to thank him for the compliment 'til he added, "I wonder if it'll still have that luster when you die…"

I gave up trying to hide, feeling my emotion scale going from pissed off to downright weirded out of my panties. The grey-haired creeper giggled then guffawed as if I just ferociously tickled his G-spot or something. Others in the room halted what they were doing to see what caused the commotion, conversing amongst themselves. But you know in these kind of situations, kids can never whisper low enough.

"He's never laughed _that _hard before…!"

"Now she's gonna get that prize he's always talking about."

"O.C.s always manage to do the impossible…"

Prize? What's that, expecting to wake up in my bed and finding out that I'm stripped of my clothes, in chains, actually underneath his house in a sex dungeon? I could see it now, especially seeing Blenderface trying to force feed me his dog biscuits while I'm subjected to him groping around in places I won't bother to discuss as his friend Rapeface-you might know him as creepy smiling dude-watches, saying how he thinks it's good to see a new face around in Rapeville. Ginger's in there somewhere, playing as the seemingly helpless spouse.

But that's just my imagination (and possibly you guys' sick fantasies).

"Hey," I interjected, "what's this prize those supporting characters talkin' about?"

Blenderface took a minute to come back from his happy place, wiping his eyes-or the shadows that covered where his eyes were supposed to be.

"Hehehe…it's a secret," was all he made known, leaving me in a deadly suspense because I didn't like the way he said that at all. Eventually, class started when the teacher walked in with who I guessed was his assistant. Now, it's not like I have anything against Asians (I really fancy them), it was just that this particular pair had a way of grating on my nerves. You know that expression that involves "being on the same page"? Well, not only was this guy _not _on the same page, he wasn't in the same book. Hell, he wasn't even on the right shelf.

But that's enough about invisible bookcases.

The assistant didn't even exude a professional aura. She was clearly projecting herself as a TILF, with the exception that any heterosexual girl wouldn't want engage in _that _sort of activity so we'll say TBALLF. Don't ask me how to say that. And if you're confused, wait 'til the end to get some clarification. For now, a hint: MILF means Mother I'd Like to (**f**ornication **u**nder the **c**onscription of the **k**ing). There's something you can show off to your friends.

I had to intervene on the Asian teacher's so-called "lesson".

"Do you know what you're talking about, sir?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh? Looks like we have a challenger, Ran Mao. Of course I do, Miss Cornelius. We're talking about chemical reactions," he answered.

That's exactly my point. "But this is a _literature_ class. Not science."

"Is that what this is? Oh, right. I've seemed to have forgotten. Get out the quizzes, Ran Mao," the early on-set Alzheimer's patient ordered, sitting down at his desk. This was some mega bullcrap.

After finishing the (basic math) quiz, I started to get my things together. The bell rung and I booked it out of there, soon being in Ginger's clutches. He clung onto my arm, sighing blissfully. Was my presence _that _orgasmic?

"Hey, Grell?" I called.

"Yes, Ollie~?" he sang, showing off his shark teeth.

"How blind are you without your glasses?"

"As a bat. Why?"

Ready to see how in love with me he really was, I snatched his glasses off of his face and searched for someone to plant them on. Turning sneaky and sly, I put them in the back pocket of Rapeface's pants.

Or attempted to.

With exact accuracy, the possible participant in my future nightmares caught my wrist. Shit. I was screwed, judging by the "somebody-done-fucked-up-now-and-that-somebody-is-you-mothafucka" smile on the guy's face. His eyes weren't accusing, but they gave off that sort of vibe that made you want to lose control of your bowels and your clothes simultaneously, and I did not just think that. Disregard that…disregard that right now!

"Is there something you need, Miss Cornelius?" he kindly interrogated, releasing his death grip. My hand went limp, dropping Ginger's glasses.

"First of all, my name is Oll-I mean, Ophelia, and no, I just wanted to return these glasses," I lied smoothly, bending down to get them. During that short time I was vulnerable, I was molested. Ginger didn't bother to hide the satisfaction in his tone as he apologized for the rather invasive touch.

"But Ollie, those are mine," whined the blind molester.

Rapeface's smile receded a bit. Ah-hah! Found his weakness.

"Oh, really? Be careful next time, dude," I cautioned, laughing as I patted Ginger's shoulder. "Sorry for the inconvenience there, uh…"

"Sebastian Michaelis, Miss Ophelia," he introduced, taking my hand and kissing it. I think I'll call him-

"Bassy~! Don't _steal _her!" Grell fussed. Then, he had a look that earned _him _the title of Rapeface, as well. He hung off of my arm, batting his eyelashes. "Unless you want to share her with me."

Many unwanted imaginings flooded my mind then, including many black censor bars and M-rated situations. I grabbed Ginger and headed off to our last class together, thinking about how my dirty mind always managed to ruin things for me.

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><p><strong>Oh, Ollie! <strong>

**A/N: Of course, the "T" in TILF means Teacher. And TBALLF means, "Teacher Boys and Lesbians would Like to (F**ornication **u**nder the **c**onscription of the **k**ing**)" **

**So tell me guys, how'd you describe Sebastian's (or the Undertaker's) smile? Review! Oh, and if the Undertaker had a name other than the one we know, what would you call him? I don't know about you, I'll call him…eh, tell you next chapter. **

**Much love, **

**Berry!**

**Don't forget about my poll! It concerns Ollie in a more serious story...Oooo!**


	3. Chapter 3

**3~Delusions about Grell and Blenderface's Proposal**

Grell pushed some poor soul out of her seat so I could sit next to him. I told her to forgive him for his gayness, but it wasn't needed since most of this class was full of females that wanted to hump him into the school's foundation. This was guaranteed to be highly entertaining, I thought, as Ginger pulled our desks together and proceeded to make out with my arm.

The female population's hatred materialized in waves of doom, being directed towards yours truly and I was really reminded that I was the new girl, intruding onto the territory that was the redhead's affection. While I'm on the subject, I was perplexed about his orientation. He had called himself a lady, regardless of the lack of female genitalia and boobs. Does he actually _want _to be female? If so, why and would he still "follow me to the ends of the earth"? You know what, I'll ask him.

"Grell?"

"Yes, Ollie~?" he said in a singsong tone.

"Do you want to be, I don't know…female?" I asked.

"I _am _female. I would rather you refer to me as such."

"Ah, okay…so technically, if you had a sex change, you would still want to pester me?"

"I'd never leave you, no matter what body I was in," he answered sincerely, batting his eyelashes. That made me think of all the scenarios possible if Grell was female.

**~Realization: Title: If Grell was **_**really **_**a Lady~**

Grell would be a lesbian…with Ophelia as an unwilling participant. But she would be proclaiming that she's male, meaning that she would be what, bisexual? As confusing as it seemed, Ophelia would still be the object of everyone's hate. She strongly believed that homosexual guys would turn heterosexual just to be with the female Grell (who thought she was a guy) and a lot of girls would turn lesbian to lay their hands on her.

But would that mean Ophelia would have to be a _guy_?

That way, she could teach Rapeface a lesson as he becomes the one to watch helplessly as Grell lays down her masculine charm on Blenderface.

In the end, Grell would stay the way he was and Ophelia would just a be a creep with a penis…

**~Realization: End~**

"Grell, I'd rather you not get that sex change," I advised, amazed at my mind's ability to make up the most blasphemous bullshit in the history of my life. Ginger actually looked discouraged, lowering his eyes and frowning slightly. Oh, come on! _I'm _the one having the nightmarish daydreams and he was looking like someone broke his passion and ran it over with a semi-truck.

"Why?" he questioned, making the female population's hate waves increase in quantity and it felt as though someone launched an arrow labeled "insensitive" at my head and hit the target.

I went with the most cheesiest line ever: "You're fine just the way you are."

Clearly, I knew that Ginger wasn't going to be so easy that he would fall for the datedness of-

"Ollie darling~!" he squealed. I thought too soon, didn't I? "Take me."

"We're in a classroom, Ginger," I quipped.

"So you're considering~?"

I guess I _did _walk into that one, huh? I just kept quiet once the Home Economics teacher came in. He was another Asian. Of course, the Indian kind. He was young, but had white hair. Were these girls stressing him out _that _much? He noticed that I was new and wanted for me to introduce myself.

"My name is Ophelia Cornelius and I hope I don't kill anyone of you," was what I wanted to say, but I settled with telling the females my name.

I sat back down and went back to thinking of what Blenderface's gift might be for the rest of the class. The bell rang for dismissal and I was the first one out of the room, heading to my locker. It was conveniently placed next to Ginger's and a couple of lockers down from Blenderface's.

After I finished dumping my books in my locker, I decided to confront him. You're dying to know what this gift is, right?

"Hey, Andrew!" I called. He looked like an Andrew to you, right? Or maybe a Theodore…well, whatever. The creep turned his head to address me, anyway.

"Would you like to know what it feels like to sleep in a coffin?" he inquired.

"Was that going to be my prize?"

"If you'd like to find out, come to this address," he ordered, handing me a slip of paper. I might as well, so I don't keep blinding myself with improper images.

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><p><strong>PLEASE READ, IT'S IMPORTANT!<strong>

**A/N: Ooh, I wonder what it is? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter that it was shorter than usual. You guys rock! I'll be able to start on the story idea you chose. I've decided to call it Responsibilities and it will star Sebastian as a thirteen-year-old father. Yeah, I tweaked it a little and you'll absolutely LOVE it! I don't know if this kind of story is too cliched or not, but bear with it and give me a chance! I can guarantee you that your time will absolutely, positively, indubitably, ran-out-of-adverbs-ly (lol) NOT be wasted in checking out this story. **

**That being said, the very LAST poll I'm gonna bother you guys with is on my profile. It only takes a second so don't be lazy...(points at the guilty-looking ones at the other side of the screen) and break my heart! **

**Review/Vote!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: Do not function in any activity that involves shoving food and/or drink down your throat. I will guarantee you will choke laughing if you do. **

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><p><strong>4~Jammin' with Grell and Undertaker's gift<strong>

You know, I always thought that Grell would be too neurotic to handle being behind the wheel of a car. It turned out that he was a careful driver…when he wasn't distracted by the Ke$ha, Justin Bieber, and various other songs blasting through the speakers. Do you know how mortifying (hilarious, to you) it is to be in the passenger seat with Ginger while "Blow" is playing? The wild gyrations, fist-pumping, and unexpected acceleration when turning a corner…he might as well put a sticker that says, "Honk if you wanna attend a gay bar with me!" on his bumper.

Other drivers (if they were speedy enough to pass us) were either in agreement with Grell's musical tastes, recording him and the oh so embarrassed me as he acted like an absolute crazy raver or were just intrigued by his behavior, staring with their index finger and thumb positioned under their chins. Of course, they would crash and burn if they didn't pay attention to the road ahead.

Awkwardness aside, I guess that was just another reason to like Grell. He wasn't ashamed to express what he was feeling, whether it be frowned upon or laughed at. It was when "Bojangles Remix" by Pitbull ft. Lil John and the Ying Yang Twins (if you don't what I'm talking about, _please _look it up so you can visualize my suffering. Warning: Put on headphones, turn down the volume. you might be disgusted, seeing how it _is _rap and some rap is graphically explicit, like how I am) came on that I had to turn off the CD player. I was not prepared to see Grell at his absolute booty-shaking best and that would lead to a huge (apply English accent here, y'know, where you leave out the T's) ghetto party in the middle of the road.

"That was my favorite song~" pouted Ginger, slumping over once the music was done vibrating through his body. I ignored the drivers around us (who seemed like they were enjoying Grell's show a bit _too _much, flashing their boobs like it was Mardi Gras or something) and finally made serious eye contact with him.

"So you're the girl they call 'Bojangles' in the song?" I asked, giving him a droll stare. He smiled, revealing those shark teeth of his.

"I'm a deadly efficient dancer!" he exclaimed, poking his tongue out and making some sort of gang sign with his left hand.

"Oh God, why did you say that!" I groaned. Ginger just triggered my dirty mind, which presented to me a whole scenario I hope I never encounter.

**~Realization II: Title: If Grell was a Stripper~**

If Grell was a stripper, his stripper pseudonym would be "Little Red Riding Ho" I mean, "Hood." His favorite outfit would include a red feather boa, glittery short-shorts, and stilettos. His favorite songs to dance to are, "Bojangles," "Blow," and "Sexy Girl Anthem." He works the pole every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, and earns roughly about two-hundred dollars a dance, even though he thinks he deserves more than that.

Ophelia is his favorite customer, despite the fact that she doesn't come to the club on her own will and throw money at him. Every night, she is kidnapped by Coach Spears and "Andrew," who are somehow under Grell's influence, to attend the festivities.

The other customers are jealous that she gets free lap dances and private shows for reasons unknown. As for Ophelia, well, she didn't mind. It was just bizarre and unusual treatment on her part. It made her feel slightly homosexual (there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you get a piece of his ass, all of you think simultaneously), even with Grell being a guy who…despite his guy parts, flounced around like a female. Only Grell could take her out of her comfort zone so suddenly…

**~Realization II: End~**

"Ollie? We're here," announced Little Red-I mean, Ginger, as we pulled in the parking lot of a two-story house. It was a deep gray color and I figured that it was no coincidence that Blenderface would happen to live here. Getting out of the car, I walked to the front door and knocked, determined to see what my so-called prize was.

Blenderface answered. "Welcome, welcome. Would you like to know what it feels like to sleep in a coffin?"

"No," I said, inviting myself in. "Why do you keep asking me that, anyway-what the fornication under the conscription of the king!"

Coffins. In the living room, near the staircase…they were everywhere. I was half-expecting the Cullen family to spring out at anytime. They were probably there to lock up Blenderface's victims after he was "done" with them.

"The atmosphere in here…" started Ginger, holding onto my arm. "The atmosphere is so scary that it's sending chills down my spine."

"I've only known you for a day and I can inform you that practically everything makes your spine have an orgasm…"

Blenderface began to giggle like mad, leading us up the stairs.

"My parents…hehehe…are funeral directors. Some of their work has to be brought home."

"If there are dead bodies in here, I'll officially GTFO."

"Unfortunately, our guests don't stay here. There's only coffins here. Speaking of which, would you-"

"For the last time, NO! Now, where's this prize you promised me?"

Blenderface guided us to a room with a plaque that said "Undertaker" on it. What parent would be cruel enough to name their kid that? I shrugged it off, following the grey-haired kid into his room. There were all kinds of morbid stuff in it: anatomical dummies, more of those dog biscuits, skeletons and whatnot.

"Now…what'll you have?" he inquired.

"What? I can pick anything in your room? How anticlimactic!" I complained, preparing to explore thoroughly. All that mental distress couldn't possibly make up…hello, what's this?

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><p><strong>AN: What did Ollie find? Well, guarantee that her choice will cause a certain character's reappearance and he's none too happy about it…anyways, I have the first ten chapters of ****Responsibilities**** mapped out, and I've written the first two chapters and I gotta say…I can't wait 'til you guys see it. So guys, did you lol at this chapter?**


	5. Chapter 5

**5~A kitten, Cornelius family, and a deal with Rapeface**

There was something moving underneath some kind of sacrificial robe Undertaker had laying around his room. I investigated and felt a tongue lick my hand. I grabbed the little culprit and nearly jizzed my pants at its cuteness. It was a white female kitten with blue eyes, staring at me like I was crazy. Imagine that everything that was possible in anime was likely here. Right now, I was probably sporting the slightly crazed look, y'know, the one with the yellow stars in my eyes and the creepy smile stretched across my face.

"I think that I'll take her," I said to Undertaker, passing the cat to Grell.

"That's fine," was his reply and I thought that his tone was a bit reserved for his kind of character. Oh, this does not bode well. "What will you name her?"

"Angie. She looks like one, right?"

After receiving no answer, I started to worry. Was this kitten some kind of demonic vessel for _The Ring Girl/The Grudge _who were liable to kill me in my sleep? I pushed that thought in the back of my head once she meowed for my attention. I grabbed her back from Grell and began to coddle heras I thanked Undertaker, making my way out of his crypt of a house. Ginger drove me home (damn, he knows where I live now).

So following all of the excitement that happened today, I bet you're wondering what _my _parents and house are like. They're the ones where I get the dirty delusions and graphic descriptions from, so don't be surprised when they say things out of their mouths that's bound to either offend you or entertain your inner pervert.

Since I don't care to bore myself with the details of my house, I'll just tell you this: mayhem constantly happens in here and it's because of my quarreling parents (my insignificant older sister, too, but that's for reason that she's a ho). I can't tell the difference if it's in jest or if their marriage is dangerously strained. Whichever way, prepare to be amused.

After waving to Grell's departing car (he decided to cut the CD player on again), I held onto Angie as I made my way to the front door. I unlocked it and went inside, hearing all kinds of noise. My dad, Oliver, was possibly making a mess in the kitchen and my mom, Penelope, was more than likely following behind him, berating him on how a "useless bitch" he was.

And my sister…fuck my sister. Surprised I actually spelled it out, huh? Well, that should give you an idea about how much I hate the ho.

I put my backpack on the floor, going into the kitchen. Dad was the first to see me, leaving the pot unattended and Mom scrambling behind him to take over. He wrapped his lanky self around me, kissing my forehead and stroking my hair.

"How's my Philly doing?" he cooed, pulling away to see Angie in my arms. He immediately went into mega sissy mode. "Aw, look at the little pussycat!"

Mom scoffed. "That's what I said when I saw your junk, Oliver. Now, get back in this damn kitchen or you won't be getting any."

"I have a better chance with the garbage disposal, Penny!" he retorted in singsong, returning to the stove. Meh, it must be an off day. I sat down at the kitchen table, placing Angie in my lap and running my fingers through her fur.

"Lee-lee, how was your first day?" Mom asked, smacking my dad's wandering hand from her rear. See what I mean when I say I don't know if their marriage is in danger or if they're just joking?

"It was…eventful. I met a boy, a couple actually, and they were all weird. There was one who tried to get me to eat dog biscuits or whatever. The other had a face like Dad's at the moment, as if he was about to get his rape on. And the last one, well, the last one is gender-confused," I explained, toying with an orange as I spoke.

"And you thought my Philly was never gonna get us some grandkids! She's meeting boys left and right," Dad said, switching the subject once he saw my face. "How's your teachers?"

I told him about my experiences and he nodded his head, accepting the plate Mom fixed. He handed it to me.

"Take this to Bev." I opened my mouth to protest. "Ah, ah. No ifs, ands, or howevers, Ophelia."

I took the plate reluctantly and made the journey to Beverly's room. You probably know her already: she was my parents' pride and joy, you know, no faults, no imperfections, you gotta spend five hours describing her, no limits to who loves her. Personally, she made me sick. She doesn't realize how much I hate her and she cries when I tell her openly that all those characters from her favorite anime don't love her for her.

That's right. My sister's Beverly Mary Sue Cornelius.

My goal in life is to corrupt her before I graduate this year, which was not so far from now.

I invited myself in her room, ignoring her "Oh-my-God-I-love-my-little-sister-so-much-I-could-just-place-my-perfect-arms-around-her-and-kiss-her-with-my-perfectly-plump-lips-while-my-mid-length-hair-flows-in-the-wind" smile as I gave her her dinner.

"Thanks so much, sister! Tell me how school was today as I listen intently, because you know that I put your well-being far above mine without any problems at all," she beamed, blinking excessively. Yep. She really talks like this.

"…No."

She started bawling and I left, knowing that she'll be back to masturbating in less than ten seconds.

_-Let's Skip to the Next Day, Shall We?-_

Remember that time, y'know, in the first chapter, where I said Rapeface might politely ask for my virginity and then might apologize for taking it when I said "no"? And, like a retard, I thought that that wouldn't happen anytime soon. Well, feel free to imagine that your computer screen is my face and slap it, cuz it's about to happen in a moment.

Sebastian directly cornered me after first period was over, in the empty classroom, where nobody could hear me scream. The look in his eyes said, "I-know-you-know-what's-gonna-happen-here-so-be-a-dear-and-surrender-quietly" and I could guarantee that I wasn't going to let that happen.

"So what's up?" I asked weakly, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

"I do believe you have something I want," he replied. Oh shit, sister.

Foolishly, I said, "My virginity…?"

Suddenly, his calm smile turned into the "aw-why-you-did-you-say-that-girl-that-was-fucked-up" frown. He removed his arm from my personal space and chuckled.

"Do you think that this is the place for something like that?"

"So you were considering?"

With the "Bitch-please-I-am-not-_that_-desperate-" tone to his voice, "I don't treat girls like sex objects, Ophelia. Besides, I was talking about the kitten. Undertaker promised me to her and it happens that you took her."

Oh…slap me again, please. Thank you.

I came to the realization that was related to my goal of corrupting Mary Sue and had a face that rivaled Rapeface's. As we made our way out of the classroom, I brought my arm around his shoulder and began a negotiation.

"Alright, Sebastian. I'll give you visitation rights to Angie if you hang out with my sister. She's just two years older, a total goodie-goodie to the extent of annoyance, and I don't think you mind an older woman, right? How's that?" I bargained.

I saw the "it's-time-to-get-my-rape-on" face and I stuck out my hand. He took it, shaking it twice. This was the start of a very unexpected friendship.

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><p><strong>AN: How many of you believe that Sebastian would do anything for kittens, as well as information? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed Ollie's parents. They kinda cramp her style a bit when it comes to being hilariously descriptive.**

**Oliver & Penelope: Is that true!**

**Ollie: Yeah.**

**Beverly: *tears in her eyes* But **_**you **_**don't cramp **_**my **_**style…!**

**Everyone except Beverly: Roll over and DIEEEEE…!**

**Anyways, I've decided that this story will end at thirteen chapters, that is, if I don't get any extra ideas. Oh, and you guys have been excellent with the poll. For those of you who haven't voted, it will remain open 'til the end, which is far from now so be lazy, if you want to. In the meantime, continue to review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**6~Plans for Spirit Week**

Every day started to roll into a routine I was never getting bored of. I mean, would you be bored if some gender-confused guy constantly needed your assistance whenever he got stuck somewhere? Grell was really supposed to be the one helping me out with things like homework and various other school activities, not the other way around. But, I was starting to enjoy my time with him, even when he blasted Ke$ha. Don't tell him I said that.

Then there was Undertaker snickering at my unintentional humor as we suffered under the supervision of our forgetful British Literature teacher and his flashy assistant. I was warming up to his eccentric behavior, but I don't think that I'll be able to get used to it. I was able to warm up to Sebastian, though. I kinda had to since he was coming to my house everyday to see Angie and molest her. Possibly, my sister, too. Either way, my parents were happy to welcome him.

However, there was a huge dent in my routine as I went to sit down for lunch. As you may recall, he was the first person I called a fabulously animated go-getter and he was currently creeping me the fornication under the conscription of the king out with his "I-don't-look-like-it-but-I-can-really-fuck-a-bitch-up" smile. A taller guy followed him, a stuck-up look on his face.

"I'm sorry," I said, "but that's someone's seat."

"I thought that since this seat was empty, I was free to sit in it," Blondie snippily replied. Okay…the nice approach wasn't cutting it, huh?

I leaned back in my seat, stretching my arms out in a welcome gesture.

"Suit yourself, Your Highness. Just don't start complaining when some flaming homo starts yelling at you."

"I won't be here long. I just wanted you to know that Spirit Week's coming up and I wanted you to know that the Yearbook Club wants your opinion on what the theme would be for each day," he explained.

"Okay, let's get some things out of the way here. First, who are you and your constipated-looking friend? Second, why me? Third, what the hell is Spirit Week?"

In a "bitch-you-better-recognize" tone:

"I'm Alois Trancy and he's Claude Faustus. We're in the Yearbook Club. Whether you believe it or not, people actually think you're awesome. I mean, who catches the attention of the school's most hottest guys in less than a week? And Claude can explain the rest."

Claude got out a booklet titled, "Spirit Week: 2009-2010" and began speaking to me about the past themes.

"Spirit Week is the week prior to our school's Homecoming Dance. It's where the student body dresses up as whatever the theme is each day. Last year's days were Circus, Eighties, Goth Lolita, and Western. The last day must always have to do with the school colors. So while we're still here, do you have any suggestions?"

Alois looked like he was going to gut me and use my intestines as a condom as he violated my dead body if I refused to give him any ideas so I went along with it.

"Sure. Just give me a pen and some paper."

"I knew you couldn't refuse," Blondie smiled, cranking up the uneasiness I felt.

I wrote down my ideas and he went away with Claude, plotting excitedly as Grell came to sit down next to me with his food.

"Why were _they _here?" he asked, pouting as he bit into an apple.

"They asked me about Spirit Week. Are you gonna participate?"

"I always do! Last year, for Circus day, I was the most beautiful ring leader…"

I wonder what he was going to dress up as this year?

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry, it's shorter than usual; it seemed appropriate to end it there. Ooo, Spirit Week! Who else would kill to see Grell in a ring leader's uniform? What did Sebastian dress up as on Circus Day? A mime or a rare black lion? ****J**** Anyway, seven more chapters. So keep reviewing and visit the poll when you can!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N 1: I've had to rewrite this chapter all over again because like a dummy, I clicked Paste instead of Copy and the last thing I pasted was Chapter Six. Not realizing what had happened (and blaming it on the computer), I exited the document when I could have just hit the Undo option, thus saving the chapter I spent over two hours making deliciously funny for you guys. So don't you think I deserve lots of reviews for my dedication (and to boost my shattered morale…?) Seriously, I'm lightheaded from slamming my head on the laptop, right now.) Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>7~Spirit Week: Day One and Two<strong>

Don't you hate it when someone that you've never seen before in your life just starts talking to you? If you're a selfish jerk, you would completely ignore the unknown person until they realize that their presence is unneeded in your life. If you're nice, you'll kindly go along with the unknown person's interest in you 'til they go away. In my case, I'll directly question the person to the point I get a completely straight answer from them regarding their purpose in meddling in my life.

Today was Monday, the official start of Spirit Week. It was Celebrity Day, and I was seeing all kinds of wigs, shades, and flashy outfits. Unfortunately, I could not enjoy the fact Blondie chose to use my ideas for this week because some dude in tight black clothes and crimped brown hair was following me around like he was Ginger.

"Who are you, for the fifth time!" I snapped, swiveling around to face my badgering stalker.

"I can't tell you because I'll get out of character. Take a guess," he said.

I scoffed. "I dunno. Russell Brand?"

" 'Even as a junkie I stayed true, I shall have heroin, but I shan't have a hamburger. What a sexy little paradox.' And that's why you're my Katy Perry~!" gushed the brunet, using a tone only Grell would possess. Wait a minute…

"Ginger! That's why you made me wear this wig! Wow, you really take this Spirit Week biz seriously, huh?"

"I'm featured in the yearbook every year~!" Grell exclaimed, clinging onto my arm.

"Grell! Ophelia!" called a familiar voice, making me shudder. It was Alois and behind him was Claude, carrying a camera in his hands. I think Blondie was dressed as what, Lady Gaga? This…is…rich. I had no idea who Claude was impersonating, but with that frilly shirt and slacks he looked like a gay. And by gay, I mean gloriously accessorized yahoo.

"And you are?" I asked.

"Lady Gaga, of course." I got the image of him striking the Sailor Moon pose and laughed a little. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. How about you, Claude?"

"Alejandro. Now would you and Grell pose for me?" he ordered, getting his camera ready. Grell wasted no time and pulled me closer to him, his tongue dangerously touching my face. Alejandro took the picture and thanked us for our time, going off to photograph other celebrities. Alois stayed behind since he and I had first period together.

The bell rang and we walked side-by-side to Economics.

"Hey, did you do the assignment Mrs. Durless gave?" Gaga queried.

"Yeah, but you know that she's just gonna talk about all the orgies she has with her husband?"

I sighed, knowing what kind of craziness her vivid tales create in my already corrupted mind.

**~Intermission: Mrs. Angelina Durless' Sexual Conquest~**

Angelina "Madame Red" Durless was the replacement Economics teacher. The previous teacher retired, stating that he wouldn't want to relive his life teaching someone with the initials "O.C." ever again and left shortly after her appearance. Anyway, Angelina was good at teaching her students, keeping their brains stimulated and active in the classroom by giving them plenty incentive to pay attention to her lessons.

However, she was the one who sometimes got bored by the stale and tedious facts of demand and supply. She mostly let the students talk amongst themselves while she enjoying gabbing on the phone with one of her girlfriends about their most raunchiest, wild, or weird sexual experiences. Little did she know that the students could hear every word that she was saying.

**WARNING**

Due to the graphic nature of the following one-sided conversations, certain words may be left to your imagination, as they are censored to consider the current rating of this fanfiction. Also, do not eat and/or drink during this part of the fanfiction. It will be guaranteed that you will laugh.

**Viewer Discretion is Advised.**

"I can't believe that! Oh, I only _wish _his *censored* was *censored*. He gave you a *censored* for your birthday! He *censored* you in the *censored*? How did he manage to *censored* you in the *censored*? Aren't you in the ocean? _Oh_, that's how…I'm not gonna let my husband *censored* me in the *censored* with a *censored*! I can't even *censored* my own *censored* with a *censored*! He *censored* you _that _hard that you almost *censored* in his *censored*? Oh, I guess it doesn't hurt to try *censored* myself in the *censored* as he *censored* in my *censored*. Your story was quite interesting, your most sinful one yet, Ran Mao."

_-Fifteen Minutes Later (Ophelia's lost half her mind by now)-_

"Oh, one of _mine? _Well, me and Harold wanted to do something different so we asked our neighbor to do a *censored*. Yes, that one. The coach with the glasses hosts a good *censored*? Thanks for the suggestion. Anyway, we asked her to do a *censored*. Everything was going great and right when I was *censored*, Harold's *censored* got stuck in the neighbor's *censored*! Crazy, right? I thought it was kinda hot so I *censored* him in his *censored* and *censored* went _everywhere!_ I didn't know that men had such a delicate place between their *censored*…you didn't know that, Ran Mao. Well, you should try *censored* while *censored*, sometimes! You did? With that Indian guy that teaches Home Ec? Oh, I have to go, hon. I think I'm fired."

**~Intermission: End~**

**(Ollie died from blood loss, but she came back for you guys' sakes.)**

Thankfully, the bell rang and I was the first one out of the classroom, wiping the blood from my nose. I walked to the gym, Grell immediately latching onto me, observing my disturbed expression worriedly.

"You would look pretty with that blood if you weren't frowning," he commented, not making the situation any better.

"First of all, you're a lunatic. Second of all, even _you _would be like this after what you've heard what _I've _heard!"

"What did you hear?"

"I'd rather not discuss that at the moment," I said, opening the door. I soon realized that I would be facing the very brief subject of Mrs. Durless's inappropriate discussion and covered my nose just thinking about it, even as he was approaching us.

Coach Spears seemed curious about our celebrity get-ups, but spoke eventually.

"Well, I wanted to *censored* you…" he began, making me take a moment to check my ears.

"What was that, Coach?"

"I said, I wanted to tell you that you won't have to dress out, due to the festivities this week, which should be a relief since you're good at lowering your grade by assisting Mr. Brand here, Ms. Perry," he replied, his tone implying that he wanted to start something with me so naturally, I snapped…embarrassingly so.

"Everyone's good at something, William, and your talent seems to include giving good *censored*, you *censored*-loving sadist!"

Silence echoed throughout the gymnasium.

Do me a solid and pretend that this is an anime again, okay? Coach looked like he was encased in stone, with his mouth open in shock as everyone had large sweat drops decorating the back of their heads. I just exited the gym, stopping when I noticed that Grell wasn't following. He was stuck in his personal background of pink and shiny glitter as he possibly fantasized about what I said.

I snatched him by the hair. "Come on, Russell. Anime time is over!"

_-Day Two-_

For some reason, Ginger wanted me to dress up as Kirigi from _Elektra. _You know, the Asian bad guy. I caved in to his demands, sifting through the contents of my closet to find the top half of that _jinbei _I (accidentally) stole from that nerd at that anime convention I went to one time and a pair of white sweatpants. I found them both successfully and combed my hair in a short bob, going into the hall leading to the stairs.

Dad actually didn't know who I was.

"Penny, did you leave Philly's window open? Some Asian monk snuck in her room. Must be one of those panty-sniffers."

Mom shouted back, "Why? Did your manhood finally find its way back?"

"Ha ha. If that was the case, it wouldn't want to share the same air as you."

"Dad, it's me. Your Philly cheese steak," I said to make my identity known to him by using the nickname he gave me when I was a fetus.

"Never mind, Penny! It's just Philly dressed as an Asian monk."

"Oh, yeah? Maybe she thought it was fun to pretend to not be your daughter for a while."

I rolled my eyes at my parents' quarreling, heading to school. When I made it inside, it was to my surprise that Grell didn't tackle me upon my entrance. That was strange…_very _strange. As I traveled along the hallway that led to my locker, I continued to get a weird feeling. I was just about to open my locker when I heard my movie character's name being called. I turned to address it, only to get pelted in the chest by a fake sword.

"What the hell?"

"No, no. That's not your line, Ollie~!" cried Grell's voice from a distance away. I looked and what I witnessed made me fall to the ground laughing. It was Ginger in a tight red outfit, dressed as Elektra! He is such a gay and by gay, I mean girlishly adequate yob (that's a word; look it up)! My laughter caught several lingering students' attention, especially Alois and Claude's. They both had cameras and I helped myself up, only to hold in more laughter.

"Who are you this time, Alois?" I queried.

"Draco Malfoy."

I looked expectantly at Claude. He sighed miserably, handing me his camera.

"Severus Snape."

"Where's the rest of the 'Mysterious Ticking Noise' cast?" I joked, sure that I was the only one who got that joke.

Alois raised his wand and proclaimed, "Team Harry Potter, assemble!"

Abruptly, a lot of students dressed as _Harry Potter _characters gathered excitedly around him. I actually recognized a few of them: Undertaker was Dumbledore, Maylene was Hermione, and those triplets I could not remember the names of were Fred and George, the middle one being Ron Weasley.

"Wait! Where's Ciel? He's supposed to Harry. He's probably hiding…everyone, the first one to find Ciel gets a free yearbook with you on the front cover!"

Thus the manhunt began.

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><p><strong>That Madame Red scene was something so innocent, but I'll let your mind wander...<strong>

**A/N 2: It was actually longer on the second try! Whew! In case you didn't read the first note, I had to rewrite the chapter because of my stupidity! Anyway, I was laughing the entire time writing this chapter, especially the part with Madame Red. That was my favorite and it was inspired by this video on YouTube called "The Blind Date" by DashieXP. It was so funny and of course, the other inspiration is due to the episode where Madame Red tries to make Undertaker laugh by telling him some eventually censored stuff. **

**So what was your favorite part? Make sure you review and six more chapters left 'til I take the poll down and start another story. **

**Oh, a **_**jinbei **_**= Traditional Japanese pajamas. **_**Mysterious Ticking Noise**_**, another YouTube video with **_**Harry Potter **_**characters as puppets. **


	8. Chapter 8

**8~Day Three and Four**

At the end of the day, Grell had won the challenge, finding Ciel in the janitor's closet under his invisibility cloak. Alois promised him that he'll be the first to receive his yearbook once it was completed and I remember falling out in laughter as Ginger did cartwheels down the hallway and back. That was definitely the highlight of the day and I went home, expecting to get the opportunity to reflect on today's events.

It turned out that I was mistaken.

People that I had just seen in the last fifteen minutes were relaxing in the middle of the living room, eating chips and other assorted junk food as they seemed to be plotting something. Sebastian was peacefully molesting Angie, as usual, while chatting up my sister. I had to give him credit, though. Day by day, she was growing on me, like a suffocating mold.

Back to the matter at hand…

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" I interrogated, throwing my stuff down and marching to the middle of their little circle. Alois was the first to answer, holding up a pie chart titled, "Japanese Day".

"We're doing something special for Japanese Day and we decided that you get to help out since it was your idea so what's a more perfect place to plan than at your house?" he said, giving me the "don't-give-me-any-lip-or-I'll-tear-your-mouth-off-with-a-flash-drive" smile. I know what you're thinking: how is that even possible? My answer to that is exactly my point.

Sighing, I sat down next to Grell, who didn't even give me a glance or grope. You should very well know that that was not Grell's normal behavior. What was wrong with him? You know, now that I thought about it, he wasn't really himself since Mr. and Mrs. Yearbook came into the picture.

"Ollie," you may say, "what makes you think that?"

Well, my beloved fans, do you recall Grell admitting that he was a victim of bullying? Call me crazy, but who in this room looks like a bully?…Shut up. I meant Alois, you bunch of fangirls. And by fangirls, I mean far-out anime-loving nice-looking girls in rational love (with this) story.

Anyway, remember in chapter six the way he twisted "they"? Go ahead and go back, if your computer doesn't ask to refresh your browser on the way back here. Yeah, right there, near the end. You couldn't see it, but Ginger had a look on his face that communicated to me that Kanye West just gave commentary on his life (in autotune) and made him feel horrible about it.

"Yo, Grell. I'm really happy for what's going on in your life at the moment, but Beyoncé has the best flamboyantly gay friend of all time! Sorry."

Yep, that's what exactly what he looked like right then.

"What's with you, Ginger?" I asked, pulling on a strand of his hair.

"…Nothing," he replied weakly.

"Nothing," I repeated. "I'm not falling for that. It's supposed to be 'Oh, nothing, Ollie~!' or something like that."

"Really…it's nothing to worry about."

"Mm-hmm…keep talking," I said, filling my hand with baby powder.

"Ollie, I have nothing more to say-"

He was interrupted by my hand hitting his face, resulting in a white explosion of baby freshness.

"Shut up with your whining. I don't know what's your deal, but you've gotta suck it up, and let me handle things around here. No girlfriend of mine's gonna mope around like she's some kind of riffraff!" I ranted, pulling out my sunglasses and putting them on, like a boss. Despite feeling a little gay for saying what I did, but you know Ginger's preferences.

"Ollie…" Grell whispered, as I reached in my pocket to get out one of those flashy pen things from the _Men in Black _movies.

"But this ain't that kind of fanfiction, so look at the red shiny light, everybody," I commanded. This shall be between us, audience. Unless, you want me to suffer with Grell knowing what I said? (Oh, what Beryl makes me do for the sake of her audience…) I tossed a pair of sunglasses to the redhead and told him to put them on, activating the flashy thing. Everyone went about their business and I sat down next to Grell again, sigh much heavier than the last.

Knowing not to further embarrass me, Ginger settled with holding onto my arm and exhaled lovingly. Damn unrealistic relationship…

_-Day Three-_

I totally dressed up as a samurai for Japanese Day. I wore my kimono and _hakama _I stole from another nerd at the same anime convention I mentioned before and let part of it hang off of my shoulder. The way I pictured it, I was a gangsta female samurai who wasn't afraid to use a plastic sword as a rape object if provoked. Now that I think about it…

**~Realization III: Title: If Ophelia was a Samurai~**

_Early Japan_

In a small bustling town in Japan, there are many wanted posters posted throughout the area. On each of them, a black-haired girl no older than eighteen was depicted angrily wielding a sword. Next to her was a red-headed boy wearing a pink kimono and posed provocatively while smiling wickedly. The subtitles underneath the depiction read:

_**The Sodomizing Samurai & her companion, Red Shark**_

_**Reward: Whatever you want! They must be caught!**_

Unfortunately, a quaint little restaurant had the pleasure of meeting these two. Their arrival was as normal as any customer's, not attention-grabbing at all. They sat at the most out-of-the-way booth in the place, waiting patiently to be served. One of the restaurant's experienced employees noticed the couple and he immediately called on some poor hardworking soul to take their orders.

"Finni, go on over there!"

"Yes, sir!" he cried, moving to the silent couple. The blond secretly observed the two carefully, starting with the redhead. She was a real pretty girl, he noticed, the skull ornaments on her earrings defining that her beauty was deadly deceiving. He felt silly once he realized that the girl was actually a _really _effeminate guy.

Black-haired and sharp-eyed, the samurai he was holding onto seemed scary and the employee had to suppress a shudder as she made eye contact with him.

"Were you eyein' my lady, boy?" she asked, shoving the hilt of her _katana_ within inches of his face.

"Um, n-no, ma'am! I'm j-just here to t-take your order! What'll you have?" he frantically said.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" bellowed a platinum blond boy, holding daggers in his hands. The samurai stood up, casting the sheathe off of her sword and smiled tauntingly.

"Well, if it isn't the Blond Butterfly. Where's your friend?" she challenged.

"What, you didn't get my text? He's still recovering from your attack…I've finally found you after two years, Sodomizing Samurai!"

Everyone in the restaurant gasped at the revelation.

"If you ask me, he deserved being penetrated by my sword after what you both did to my pet Shark on Facebook…now you'll suffer the same fate!" she announced, charging after the boy. However, she was intercepted. "You…!"

"It's the Black Butler!" cried an innocent bystander. "Let's GTFO!"

The place instantly became empty, now that the first of the top three most wanted criminals entered the fray, wielding silverware between his gloved fingers and he knew how to use them…

**~Realization III: End…?~**

How come in every one of these daydreams of mine, I'm always the guilty pervert villain? Anyway, I was careful to keep an eye on my surroundings for Coach Spears. I was sure that he would feel the need to get even with me for exposing his secret to everyone that happened to be in the gym yesterday. There was no doubt that my outburst was already known in the student body.

"Don't worry about Will," assured Grell, calming me by waving his red fan in my direction. He was looking so metro with his hair in a bun and pink kimono fashioned loosely off his shoulders. By metro, I mean magically entrancing to ridiculous-looking Ophelia. Hey! I wasn't gonna lie; he _did _look good.

"Why shouldn't I? I may have gave him plenty reason to fail me! And how would you know?" I argued.

"You would think that I would be able to tell you about my cousin, Ollie."

"You lie! There's no way…he called you 'Mr. Sutcliff' back then, though."

"Will's always so business-like, no matter where he is or who he's talking to," Ginger elaborated.

So…does he discuss the pros and cons of having sex with his wife? The thought of Coach Spears presenting a PowerPoint titled, "The Outcome of Sex Now vs. the Outcome of Sex Later" to his wife came to mind and I stopped myself there before I started choking with laughter.

"Did you just have a dirty thought, Ollie~?" the redhead guessed accurately, holding onto my arm.

"How did you know?"

"You get the cutest look on your face, like you're planning some nefarious plot. Do you have any sinful thoughts about _me~?_"

"Do you _really _wanna know? Because it's not my fault."

He nodded his head eagerly.

"Okay. So remember when you said you were a deadly efficient dancer…"

I told him all of my demented imaginings on the way to the lockers and he listened intently, especially when he heard the one about him being a stripper (in which he offered for that to be reality and me face-palming myself into a coma). By the time I was done, he made me realize that it was possible for him to suffocate me even further with his presence.

"I like the way your mind works, Ollie. It's almost tear-jerking~" he complimented, dancing around in place.

"Yeah, I'm sure you think so since you actually _liked _the idea of being my stripper," I replied.

_-Day Four-_

Rock 'N Roll Day was, to say the least, a spectacle. I made a small statement with what face paint and torn clothes I had while everyone else went off their rockers. Grell teased his hair out, his red leather outfit all decked out in skulls and other macabre decorations hanging from his wallet chains. Alois went crazy, sporting a tattoo on his tongue and wearing a purple and green costume that made him look like a homicidal Barney. Undertaker wore this gigantic witch hat, extremely long fake nails, and a bone-shaped guitar strapped to his back.

But it was Claude that surprised me the most.

He came walking up to Ginger and I, looking like Gene Simmons from the band _KISS. _

"Whoa, almost didn't recognize you there, Claude," I said. "Why Gene Simmons? It's not like you can do crazy things with your tongue-"

Claude opened his mouth, touched his nose with his tongue and I stood corrected, fighting my mind's bad habit to wander off into the oblivion of raunchiness. Back to the situation at hand, though.

"That is not normal. Are you sure you didn't borrow that from a cow or something?"

"I would ask you to check for yourself, but I'm sure that Grell wouldn't like that," he answered smoothly.

"No~! I wouldn't like that at all!" cried the redhead, clutching onto me dearly. I only sighed, easing his misplaced worry by saying-rather vaguely-that I wouldn't be leaving him any time soon…unless you know about any other guy willing to be my stripper? No? Okay, then. Forget that I said that.

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><p><strong>AN: Ollie's stubborn, isn't she? Remember that time in the second season, when Claude had some cream on his nose and he licked it off with his tongue...that's how I got that idea! Well, five more to go, peeps! Aw, man! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Review, please!**


	9. Chapter 9

**9~Mary Sue Gone Wild and the Plan**

Sebastian asked me to meet him at the local café after school. He must've had news about my sister's progress. I hope he had money, too, because I was pretty exhausted by the sheer force of Ginger's love waves after my outburst. He's been trying to molest my mouth ever since and I was close to moving Undertaker in my place, but he just gave me his "you-really-think-I'm-gonna-let-you-do-that-bitch?" grin and went off with his dog biscuits.

As I was getting changed into more comfortable clothes, I noticed something really bright in the corner of my eye. The unidentified object was invading my window and in a classic "Clarissa Explains It All Moment," Grell opened my window and climbed in the room, as if that was completely normal behavior. He sat on my bed, grinning widely as he made himself at home.

"And you couldn't wait until I called why…?" I asked, zipping up my pants.

"How could you expect me to? I wanted to see what my Ollie's room looked like~!" he exclaimed, flittering around all over the place. I rolled my eyes once he discovered my digital camera, a delighted squeal escaping his lips as he made his way over to me. He pressed his cheek against mine and took a picture.

"What was that for?"

"We have to take a lovers' photograph. How else am I going to remember our time together?"

"You _could _just favorite this story and look back at it whenever you're feeling nostalgic," I suggested casually, grabbing the camera and stashing it in my back pocket. Ginger looked confused. "Never mind. Let's go."

We got to his car undetected and were off to the café. Of course, the redhead had some questions about the purpose for this visit.

"Basically, I granted Sebastian visitation rights to the cat if he corrupted my sister before Graduation and he can have her if I'm pleased with the results," I explained.

"Your sister is _that _painstakingly pure?"

"She's Mary Sue, Grell. She has to be reformed in one way or another. If not, every male in this world will be sucked into her gravitational pull…that was reason why we came here in the first place."

We made it to the café and once I was able to spot Sebastian sitting by himself, I noticed that there was something off about the guy. He looked like someone who just lost their virginity to someone they didn't even want…or something like that. He barely reacted to us joining him and I was close to admitting that I missed his rape face.

"What's up, Sebastian?" I greeted, waving my hand in front of his face.

"…It's been done, Ophelia," he said ominously.

"Oh, really? You can have Angie, then."

"You don't understand, Ophelia. I want my _freedom _back."

Grell and I glanced at each other in an "Oh, shit" gesture. What could make the guy's spirit so broken that he didn't want to lay his hands on a cat? It could only mean that my sister's been reformed to the extent of no return.

"What do you mean, Sebastian?" I gulped, fingers impatiently tapping against the table.

"…She's been obsessing herself with me. Just this morning, when I thought I was safe in the security of my own home, Beverly was hiding under my bed. She offers to cook my breakfast in the mornings and dinner in the evenings. I don't even know how she has my address, Ophelia," he elaborated, shaking his head morosely.

Sounds like I gave permission for Sebastian to create a monster O.C., the "O" for Obsessive. So who's better to deal with an O.C. than the one on my arm? I excused Grell and I from the desperate guy to plan out a strategy to calm my sister down to a reasonable level of craziness.

"Grell, you would do anything for me, right?" I said to the redhead.

"Whatever you want, Ollie," he answered determinedly.

"Okay. Whether you make it out alive or not is up to you. Sebastian, you come over here, too."

It was time to put my dirty mind to use and title this plan…

**~Realization (come true) IV: Title: If Grell and Sebastian Share Mary Sue~**

Beverly Mary Sue Cornelius never liked being the epitome of perfect. It was because of her eccentric mannerisms that she never kept the attention of the opposite sex for too long. It was part of the reason why she went kinda crazy once Sebastian made a heavy impact in her life. Was it wrong to show affection the way she did by following him everywhere and doing everything for him?

Whatever the case, she absolutely adored Sebastian. Was it incorrect to make a plan for their entire lives that included five children, two boys and three girls, and a nice townhouse by the shore? She didn't think so. So she forced herself on him a little too hard. He seemed to be okay, the way he was crying silently in sheer joy. It was _totally _consensual, if you asked her.

Based on the text she got from him, he had a surprise for her. All she had to do was be at his house. There was one part down; she was already there, sitting on the front porch tending to (or at least pretending) his garden. She threw away the shears and gloves, heading up to the front door and knocking three times. No one answered the door, but it creaked open. She went inside.

As she moved further into the living room, the door shut behind her and as she turned to address whomever startled her, she found her face buried in Sebastian's chest.

"Did I startle you, Beverly?" he queried, steadying her by placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Oh, hi, Sebby! What's…going on?" the older girl stammered, looking around.

"Remember when you said that you normally go for redheads?" Beverly nodded her head. "If you turn around, you'll see that I found you one."

She did as told and saw her younger sister's redheaded friend, smiling deviously. What was his name again? Grell?

"Grell? But I still want you, Sebastian!" she argued.

"Of course, you'll still have my love, Beverly. I just couldn't live with myself if you were unhappy so I planned something special for this evening…" replied the black-haired heartthrob, the suggestive edge in his voice hard to ignore. "Isn't that right, Grell?"

"Very special, indeed~" sang the green-eyed boy.

"But what about Ophelia? Are you sure she's okay with this?"

"You could say that she's…_endorsing _what we have in store…"

At Sebastian's answer, Beverly felt all the blood rush into her face. Responding to the blush decorating her cheeks, Grell walked over to observe it with his slender fingers.

"Red's such a pretty color on you…I wonder if we'll be able to see a lot of it soon," he lewdly remarked, skimming his fingers through her hair. Beverly barely got out a reply before she was whisked away. Little did she know, her sister was outside, cackling maniacally as she put on shades with the words "Like A Boss" printed across the lenses. She didn't know how Sebastian and Grell translated "make her understand the meaning of 'no'" but it sounded pretty noisy from out here so she was pretty sure that everything would be fine once her sister said the keyword in which the plan would be successfully executed.

There was a scream of "NO!" and Ophelia started climbing up the house.

Inside, Beverly was cornered, her eyes closed and little rivers of blood coming out of her nose. Sebastian and Grell stared down at her with lecherous grins that rivaled each other's.

"No, no, no, no…"

"Don't worry, we won't do _that _anymore if you listen to us~" assured Grell.

Beverly seemed to shake herself out of her hysteria, bobbing her head up and down.

"Beverly?" called Sebastian.

"Y-Yes, Sebastian?"

"Keep your eyes…"

"Mm-hmm…?"

"…on the red light," Grell added, completing the sentence.

Beverly looked up and saw the two were suddenly wearing sunglasses with the words, "Like A Perv" on them. Out of the blue, Ophelia came crashing through the ceiling and held out the flashy thing from the _Men in Black _movies.

"Hey, sis. When you wake up, you're gonna ask Mom and Dad to omit your middle name cuz you're gonna be a brand new person who doesn't annoy me and the rest of the fanfiction world," she ordered, activating the memory-wiping flash and thus ending this Realization and this chapter.

**~Realization: End~**

**A/N: So what do you think happened to our dear Mary Sue? I'm gonna tell you anyway. Try picturing Grell and Sebastian singing "We're Not Gonna Take It" in a very sultry fashion. Yep…that's what goes on in my head.**

**Anyway, I'm planning something special for Chapter Twelve so I'm going to need your help on this, guys. Whoever makes the best response to this prompt will be in Chapter Twelve:**

**You are a Shinigami assigned to monitor Grell. How do you act when he strays off of his assignment to bother a particular demon?**

**Doesn't matter how long or short. Good luck and review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Who here loves the Viscount (bird loving guy)?**

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><p><strong>10~Senior Superlatives and Potential Prom Plans<strong>

The last day of Spirit Week wasn't all that interesting since all we had to do to participate was dress up in the school colors. However, I was curious about the reason why everybody had to go to homeroom first today. Ginger threw a fit because he'll be separated from me for thirty minutes. My homeroom teacher was Mrs. Durless, unfortunately. She was passing out small sheets of paper and putting them on our desks, instructing us to circle one for each category.

I didn't get what she was talking about 'til I got a slip and saw that we were voting for Senior Superlatives. The options were as followed:

**Best Smile **Sebastian Michaelis Grell Sutcliff

**Most Unforgettable **Alois Trancy Claude Faustus

**Prettiest Eyes **Maylene Undertaker

**Most Likely to Succeed **Ciel Phantomhive Sebastian Michaelis

**Cutest Couple **Ciel and Elizabeth Grell and Ophelia

Now, I would comment on this if it wasn't for the blond breathing down my neck. What is it with the blonds in this town, invading my space and whatnot? He noticed that I recognized his presence and smiled.

"I was wondering if you could help me out? For 'Cutest Couple', should I pick the little robin and his lovely dove or should I choose the flamboyant cardinal and the elegant raven?"

You know me well enough. "And who are you?"

"Ah, I apologize. My name is Aleister Chambers, possibly the best ornithologist you'll ever see in your life. And you are, my darling…?" he sang, making me think that I might have possibly met the epitome of the word "molester." I mean, look at him. The way he was talking about people as if they were birds in that rape-y tone of voice. Complete with the swirly, regurgitated rainbow backdrop to boot. Why, right now, he was probably fantasizing that he's dancing with some boy cleverly disguised as a girl…

Back to the situation at hand, though.

"I'm the 'elegant raven.' And I don't know who you should pick. Maybe your favorite 'bird' out of the flock," I replied. I did _not _just easily relate to Twitter _that _fast…! Yeah, that's his new name.

I watched as he held his chin in contemplation.

"Well…the bright red plumage of the _Cardinalis cardinalis _makes a perfect contrast with that of the _Corvus corax, _with her dark glossy feathers complimenting his bright demeanor. Even though I would prefer her with the little robin's companion, the Crow, she and the cardinal would have to do," he mused absentmindedly. I just turned around, circled my own choices, and turned the paper in to the teacher.

The bell rang and I hurried out of the room to get my things out of my locker. Not even twenty seconds passed before I was bombarded by the Cardinal, who was probably excited about us being listed as a choice under Cutest Couple.

"Can you believe it, Ollie? We're under Cutest Couple~!" he exclaimed, squeezing the life out of me. I only sighed.

"That doesn't mean we're gonna win, Ginger, so calm down."

"We still need to go to prom to see who won. You _are_ going to prom with me, right?"

"I would, but I don't have a dress…"

Perhaps I should have considered that more seriously.

After school, Grell practically kidnapped me, tossing me in his car, and driving us to the mall. By the way store employees were greeting him, he seemed to frequent most of the stores daily. One of them even called him "Grell Bell" at which I had to almost die laughing.

Grell turned into a complete tranny and took charge of everything during our time at the mall and by tranny, I mean totally rude able-bodied naughty no-lose yabber. He pushed me into the changing room over ten times and on the final time, I came out wearing a red dress with straps, decorated with purple sashes and gloves that covered my forearms. Ginger's face was as red as the dress, his eyes wide and wobbly. He opened his mouth to say something, but someone else's voice ruined his chance.

"Ah~! The raven grows a pair of stunning wings, casting a shadow over those who dare to compare…"

"Twitter, have you been following us?" I asked.

"Goodness, no. I was drawn in by your radiance, that's all, my marvelous raven. Now, I'm off to do a little bird-watching," the blond said, dashing off somewhere to be a predator. Grell looked confused by our exchange and I just waved it off, going inside the changing room to change into my regular clothes.

"I'll take this one. Now, it's your turn," I said, taking him by the hand.

"I already have my prom clothes, Ollie!" he informed.

"Oh. It better not be a dress…"

"What would be my punishment if it is~?"

"I'd burn it…with you in it."

"Death by fire is always the way to go! Especially if you're the last person I see."

There was no intimidating this guy.

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><p><strong>AN: No, there isn't, Ollie. Unless you punch him in the face. So who else think if Grell and the Viscount had a kid, he/she would be one weird kid? *shudders* Three more, you guys. I hope to see you guys once ****Responsibilities**** comes out. But for right now, enjoy the rest of this fanfiction as it comes to a close. *sniffs* **

**Review! **


	11. Chapter 11

**This is the longest chapter ever. Just sayin'.**

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><p><strong>11~Spring Break in Da HoodProm Showdown**

There was some things you could not tell me about Grell. One is that he's easy to figure out. I mean, he's a gender-confused guy who refuses to be referred to as a male and even though he's in what _he _calls a relationship with me, his perpetual gayness shows every once in a while. The second thing you cannot tell me about Ginger is that he's capable of focusing on the right thing. Okay, so he focuses on me most of the time so he's halfway right, but when it comes to more serious problems, he tends to ignore the gravity of the situation. The absolutely last thing you cannot convince me about Grell is his so-called great sense of direction.

Let me further explain.

It was during the last two days of spring break that Grell wanted to do something "special" with me and when I asked if it had to do with my virginity, he opted to change his original plans, in which I face-palmed myself repeatedly. Then he mentioned that he was going to take me to an anime convention. I recall fist-pumping in the anticipation of thinking I was going to steal from some nerds and enjoy my spoils. I figured since he was aware of where we were going that I didn't have to Google some directions.

How wrong I was.

The more Grell denied he didn't have a man's sense of direction, the more rundown and dilapidated our surroundings were getting. Because he was so annoyingly stubborn, he was determined to find the place the convention was held, no matter how late it was. Seven-o-clock rolls around and I had a feeling that we were in the more bad part of town.

In other words, we were in the 'hood.

However, this 'hood was different than the ones frequently portrayed on the television. There weren't any gangstas (except me) wearing furry coats twice their sizes, running around ready to cap a fool. No, instead of the usual, there were country white people literally roaming the streets. Some were chilling outside their abandoned apartments in their rocking chairs, sipping cider, and toting their shotguns. I was not pleased.

"Thanks a lot, Ginger. You brought me back to my old neighborhood," I said, holding my head in shame.

"You _lived _here!" was his shocked reply.

"Yep. Why else do you think I'm so gangsta? Anyway, I'm going to get some directions. You wanna stay here?"

"Goodness, no!"

So Ginger and I exited the car, the redhead instantly grabbing my arm tightly. We were traveling through the darkening neighborhood, ignoring the jeers of the random people we were in the vicinity of.

"What's wrong with that feller right there, Daddy?"

"That right there, son, is a tranny."

Because I wouldn't stand for anyone else to do the teasing except me, I left Grell and approached the offending urban hillbilly and his son.

"Look, you got a problem? That tranny right there is mine, and you don't insult what's mine. You know why? Cuz, according to these shades that just materialized on my face, I'm a boss and bosses don't take that lying down. No, we watch _you _take it all while _you're _lying down! Ya feel me?"

During my intimidating speech, the hillbilly nodded his head in a horrified silence and I took the opportunity to leave.

I heard his son ask, "Who was that, Daddy?"

"That right there, son, was a boss. You fornication under the conscription of the king with them, they _will _fornication under the conscription of the king you. So make sure you're protected at all times."

I returned to Grell and he latched back onto my arm.

"What did you say to them?" he wondered. I smiled my own trademark "you-have-an-option-between-life-or-death-you-better choose-wisely" grin and just told him not to worry about it. It was fifteen minutes into our walk that he brought up a question I should probably slap him for, but decided against it since all the pimps might think I was stealing their merchandise.

"Do you think anyone we know might be here?" he mused.

"Don't be ridiculous…wait, is that Undertaker?"

Lo and behold, my eyes weren't deceiving me. The silver-haired weirdo was suspiciously standing in front of an alleyway with someone else. He seemed to be exchanging something…wait, was he selling weed? Aw…this was rich. I knew that there was weed in those dog biscuits, possibly behind the reason why he was laughing all the time.

I went over to him, Grell following behind.

"Hello there. Would you like to try some of my merchandise…?" he offered, giving me his "I'm-tellin-you-bitch-this-shit-will-get-you-fucked-up-in-no-time" smirk as he reached into his jacket pocket for some unknown substance.

"No, thank you. Anyway, we're trying to get out of here. Mind showing us the way back?"

Thankfully, we were on our way out of the 'hood, hubcaps and lives intact. Grell was feeling pretty awful for promising me an awesome time that didn't happen so I told him I would be happy if I got something to eat. We went to a fast food restaurant and as we were waiting on my order, Grell got started with the depressed "I-just-got-told-off-by-Kanye West" face.

"What's bothering you now?" I groaned.

"I don't feel right just treating you to a fast food meal."

"Listen, Grell. If you don't stop moping, I'm gonna punch you in the jeans."

"…What?"

"Exactly what you're gonna say when you take a look at your downstairs and discover that you no longer have a penis. Now, cheer up or get messed up."

My threats didn't fall on deaf ears and I found myself enjoying being the assertive one in this strange little relationship.

_-Next Saturday (Prom Night)-_

Curiosity was close to killing me when it came to what Ginger was going to wear to prom. I mean, you would be worried, too, right? You wouldn't want your date to look prettier than you or even worse, wear the same dress? Your answer should be no, but if it's yes, you're just a whole other story. Don't get me wrong. I (insert other word that's close to love) Grell and everything, but if he embarrasses me, I will personally make it my business to take my foot and shove it down his eagerly awaiting throat.

Suddenly, when I was letting my silly parents take pictures of me, I imagined what it might be like if Grell _did_ show up in a dress…what, no more wild imaginings? Something big must be coming along. The doorbell rang and I answered the door. My eyes almost fell out of my sockets at the intensity of the red my prom date wore.

Fortunately, he was wearing a normal red tuxedo, but there was something slightly different about him…ah, there it is.

"You're wearing boots?" I queried.

"Yes. I wanted to look my absolute best for you, Ollie~!" he crooned, taking my hand. My parents came outside to give their commentary and take some pictures.

"Well, Grell, there's one thing I wanna tell you," says Dad, "don't bring her back 'til you make us grandparents."

"Thanks a lot, Dad. That's just quality parenting right there," I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Oliver, you're horrible," spat Mom, snapping a picture. "Bring her back when she's so pregnant that you could see the baby's face."

I dragged Grell away from the baby-hungry pair and let out a sigh once we were off to the prom. I looked over at the redhead and saw that he was grinning, with his "Like A Perv" sunglasses on.

"Look, Ginger. I'm a strong believer of the phrase 'Date, Don't Penetrate' and if you're thinking that you're gonna act on my so-called parents' advice-"

"I know, you're going to punch me in the jeans."

"No, I'm taking your hopes and dreams and I'm gonna throw them on the ground. Got it? Cuz I don't think you're getting all the Lonely Island songs I'm throwing out there."

"What?"

"Never mind."

When we made it to the prom, not many people were paying attention to us. We were just cruising along the floor, greeting and complimenting others up to the point the place filled up and things were starting to get awkwardly hilarious. You know Bardroy? Yeah, the blond guy that was briefly featured in that Realization where I was a pervy samurai. Anyways, he was the DJ for our prom.

"All right, guys. This is DJ Bardizzle Rizzle and I wanna know who can 'Teach Me How To Dougie!'" he announced, playing the track.

I didn't realize how competitive people were on the dance floor. I mean, come on. How many of you knew that Sebastian and Claude make a mean dance-off attraction? Things were getting crazy and it got even crazier once Undertaker walked in the middle of it all with a boombox, doing the robot and break-dancing around them.

The music stopped and everyone settled down. I, for one, was trying to stop laughing my butt off at the spectacle I just witnessed. Bardroy was reading off the winners for the Senior Superlatives.

"For 'Best Smile', we have Sebastian Michaelis. 'Most Unforgettable' Claude Faustus. 'Prettiest Eyes' Undertaker. 'Most Likely to Succeed' Ciel Phantomhive. And last, but not least, 'Cutest Couple' goes to Elizabeth Midford and Ciel Phantomhive. Congrats to you all!"

There was applause and then the DJ receives a slip of paper from someone.

"Okay. Prom Queen and King is-well, isn't this unexpected-Grell Sutcliff and Ophelia Cornelius. Get up on here and get your crowns, you two!" he ordered. I do believe what I was experiencing was called "disbelief". Grell, apparently, didn't care, dragging me up with him to the stage. We were crowned and a microphone was handed to me. I guess they wanted me to say a couple of words. I would have said "Suck it!" but I wasn't here long enough to have had established a rivalry with anyone in the room right now.

"Ah…change has been made and yes, we can. Nah, I'm kidding. Um, thanks to the people who thought we deserved this-"

Obviously, there was someone who _strongly _believed that we didn't. By strongly, I mean pulling my dress down and almost exposing my goods to everybody "strongly". I turned around in time, embarrassed, but real calm about it, like that "I'm-gonna-shove-a-needle-encrusted-shoe-down-the-butthole-of-whoever-did-that" calm.

According to Grell's reaction, I didn't have to act on that vicious thought. Once I tried fixing my dress, I saw that he became a track-star and just bolted it off the stage, hunting down the person who yanked down my dress. It was Alois and he was currently getting his head dunked in the punch, making it a heap of Punk Bitch Punch. Ah, I crack myself up, even in the mist of high school tragedy.

Ginger returned to the stage and put his coat over me, guiding me outside of the dance floor.

"Ollie, are you all right?" was his concern.

"I've been better, but no permanent damage has been done," I answered. "Why'd you do that?"

Grell's face screamed, "bitch-you-cannot-be-that-dumb" as he explained his actions.

"Why wouldn't I? No blond-haired bitch was going to publicly degrade _my _Ollie and get away with it!"

"Whoa…hey, did you say 'bitch'? Cuz that's completely out of character for you," I noticed. "I must be rubbing off on you. That's not cool, man. That's not cool."

The redhead completely ignored my tirade and goaded me back into the cafeteria, where everyone was dancing to "YMCA". I sat down, wanting to enjoy the show. It came to my attention that my date was taking an awful lot of time to get to where I was and I knew the reason why soon enough.

"Your feet hurt?" I guessed. He nodded his head, taking off his boots and laying his feet on my lap.

"All that excitement _murdered _my feet. Massage me, please~" he begged, giving me the puppy dog eyes.

"Okay…even if that _did _sound wrong on so many levels."

I have magic fingers (shut up) when it came to these kind of things, especially when someone had pretty feet like Grell's. I don't have a foot fetish (Beryl: yes, she does). The guy starts laughing so much that wouldn't let me get a handle on his feet, which start flailing around to the point I start to take note of Grell's incredible flexibility because his foot ends up hitting Sebastian in the face.

He starts a chain reaction (he gets knocked into Claude, who crash-lands into Alois and watches in shock as Claude battles Sebastian…) that eventually causes _everyone _to get ghetto and start fighting to the song "Like A G6". Something told me to look at Bardroy and it was a good thing I did for reason that he happened to mention that he was going to "blow this party up a bit", thus bringing out several sticks of dynamite and lighting them up.

I grabbed Grell and his shoes, guiding us out of the school before the place blew up. Taking in the consideration of the others' safety, I pulled out a bullhorn and screamed, "GTFO! THERE'S A BOMB IN THERE!"

Everyone flooded out of there quickly and we watched as the school exploded into bits. Well, I guess there's no more final exams.

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><p><strong>AN: Aw, man. That was fun, wasn't it? You guys need to thank my friend, Noodles, for the ideas! We were on the phone for hours discussing the possibilities. Her ideas were for the prom section and I just breathed life into them. Anyway, I wanted to announce the winners of the Chapter Twelve Special. They are…*drumroll* SugaryCarnival and I'mthenewCAKEPIG!**

**Congrats, guys! Okay, send me some character information or if you want, what **_**you're **_**like as a Shinigami. Include: Looks, Personality, and Weapon of Choice. It must be some sort of gardening tool (or maybe it's a cleaning tool for girl Shinigami…? Can anyone say SEXIST!), as you may already know. **

**To those who didn't win, don't feel bad. Your ideas will be used…in some way or other. BWAHAHA...BWAHAHAHAHA!**

**So only **_**two **_**chapters left. Can you believe it? *sniffs* Review! **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Victoria Perez and Elizabeth Ren belong to SugaryCarnival and I'mthenewCAKEPIG, respectively. Now buckle up for a long entertaining ride! Seriously, guys, I wouldn't blame you if you set a schedule to read all of this…**

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><p><strong>12~When A Silly Person Lands in A Serious Place…<strong>

Unfortunately, the school seemed to magically repair itself overnight in time for final exams. Ophelia sighed as she walked into the school, waiting for her redheaded companion to lay claim to her arm. When he failed to show up, the black-haired girl shrugged her shoulders and moved on to her first period class. She immediately noticed that her raunchy teacher wasn't present, as well as her two intimidating classmates, Sebastian and Undertaker.

As the day progressed, it came to her attention that all of her eccentric teachers and usual acquaintances were gone, too. Did Undertaker slip some of his crack biscuits in her when she wasn't looking or something? There had to be some reason why none of the people she saw daily weren't in attendance today and had a feeling that drugs had to have some place in the equation. Were they out having some kind of weird orgy party that Coach Spears was hosting in the forest somewhere?

"Did everyone die without me?" she asked aloud to herself. She had excused herself from the classroom after she finished her final exam to go to the bathroom. Where else was she going to think this out thoroughly? She entered the girls' restroom, passing by the mirror. There was a strange feeling that tugged at her curiosity when she crossed into the mirror's path so she backed up and passed it again. Once she looked back, she discovered the strangest thing.

Her reflection didn't move.

Definitely blaming this hallucination on Undertaker's crack muffins, Ophelia rubbed her eyes and the reflection disappeared, taking the mirror's reflexive surface with it. It was just darkness swirling about. Deciding that she was going to relieve herself before foolishly investigating, the hazel-eyed girl went to the bathroom, washed her hands, and thrust herself into the darkness…

The space rushing past her suggested that she was falling and _fast._ Yep, she was absolutely on a trip and nothing could possibly convince her otherwise…except the massive pain her rear felt when she landed. Okay, so this was real. Patting herself down, Ophelia became aware of clothes she didn't remember putting on. She was wearing a purple vest and hat that resembled a beret, a dress shirt and jacket, purple slacks, and black boots.

"WT…fuck?" she swore, studying her surroundings. She seemed to be in someone's massive backyard, judging by all of the greenery that was around her. If she listened carefully, she could vaguely hear a boy's joyful laughter come from some distance behind her.

_What's he so happy about? _she thought bitterly.

Suddenly, the ground quaked underneath her. Quickly looking around her to locate the source of the quakes, the hazel-eyed girl didn't see the culprit until a giant slate-blue dog soared right over her. Too stunned to scream, she just stood as still as a statue, mouth agape, as the dog traipsed happily off into the evening.

Abruptly, he stopped.

The colossal hound lowered his snout into the earth and sniffed curiously, set upon finding the origin of the scent he was tracking. He kept investigating 'til he made it to where the shocked human girl stood silently. He jumped back, panting excitedly as he waved his hind quarters in the air in anticipation. The blond boy on the gargantuan pooch's back realized what was going to happen a bit too late.

"PLU-PLU, NO!" he shrieked, but his cry fell on deaf ears; the massive beast had already pounced in hope of catching his prey.

"Oh, shit!" she exclaimed, running away to avoid the canine's path. It was a full five minutes before the pursuit ended, with the mongrel pouncing on her. No, not as a _dog_, but as a naked man that landed right on top of her. You could imagine her extreme discomfort. "What is this, anime!"

"I'm _so _sorry, miss! Get off, Plu-Plu," the blond boy said, easily pulling the shaggy-haired man off of the frustrated girl. He helped her up, concerned green eyes looking at her slightly scratched-up face. "Are you all right?"

"Of course I'm not gonna be throwing up rainbows after a hybrid dog's tongue been probing in places it shouldn't," she answered angrily, stomping away from the apologetic boy and his whimpering man-dog. She marched to the point she came upon a majestic-looking manor and decided to complain to whoever owned that rapist hybrid dog. She rushed around the large house until she came across the front door.

Ophelia knocked on it as if she was the police and prepared to give whoever answered the door a piece of her mind. Once she was greeted by a familiar face, all of the hostility she had stored up disappeared. Sebastian Michaelis was before her, dressed in a butler's outfit.

"I'm sorry, my lady, but the Young Master isn't receiving any guests this evening," he spoke eloquently, automatically making the girl confused. Sebastian's accent was more refined than it was usually.

Of course, you know her. She laughed heartily, to the point of tears, until it came to her attention that her classmate was not amused.

Despite the ridicule, the sharply-dressed man cleared his throat.

"Oh, yeah. Why weren't you and Ciel at the school today? I was starting to think-" she stopped herself, seeing the blatant bewilderment on her supposed classmate's face.

"Pardon?"

"Okay, Sebastian. I'm just here to file a complaint against whoever owns that rapist hybrid dog. Yeah, he kinda assaulted me."

The look on the butler's face reminded her that her classmate was a cat-molester, so she would expect that he didn't care that much for dogs, however, it seemed a bit too murderous for her tastes. His expression returned to its neutral state and he escorted the odd girl inside.

"Please make yourself comfortable as I bring news of your arrival to the Young Master, my lady," he softly instructed, gesturing to the group of couches gathered around the coffee table. She obeyed, crashing down on the loveseat and slouching as she put her feet up. Sebastian resisted the urge to correct her on her sloppy posture and went upstairs to tell his master about the strange visitor.

The Earl was in his study and the butler knocked on the door before entering. He heard the verbal command to enter. The young man looked up from his bureau, on which documents were spread out in front of him.

"What is it, Sebastian?" he asked.

"You have a guest downstairs, Young Master," the maroon-eyed servant informed.

"I thought I told you that I'm not accepting any guests at the moment."

"I understand that, Young Master, however, this one claims to know the both of us as schoolmates. And she's had the unfortunate chance of meeting that infernal hound," the black-haired man stated, a look of disgust on his face for a fraction of a second.

Ciel Phantomhive gave a crooked smile, his visible blue eye glittering playfully. "Are you sure that she isn't one of your many admirers?"

"If that was the truth, she would be classified as one of the delusional types," he answered. "Shall I turn her away then, Young Master?"

"No. Bring her up," he ordered.

"Yes, My Lord."

In the meantime, Ophelia was enjoying her time snooping around the manor's living room. The place had some pretty cool stuff and she was considering stealing some things if they didn't happen to be a tad bit too big for her pocket to hold. As she was searching for any bite-size things she could permanently borrow, she noticed the newspaper sitting on the coffee table. Curious, she brought the paper up to her face and read.

"August 8th, 1882...? Oh, so _that's _what she meant when she said she was planning 'something special'," she gathered, shaking her head. "Damn clichéd concept…"

So that's why Sebastian gave her that "bitch-I-don't-know-what-the-hell-you-talkin-'bout" glare when she asked about school. Hell, school probably didn't even exist now (Beryl: Yes, it did, silly!)! She put the newspaper down when she was getting that tingling feeling in the back of her head and turned around to see the devil himself.

"The Young Master will see you now, my lady," he said.

"Sebastian, my name is Ophelia. I mean, how would you like it if I called you 'Sir Cat Fondler?' No, I don't think you would like that," she mused aloud, following the slightly disturbed servant up the stairs.

_-Ophelia's POV-_

"You're very correct, Miss Ophelia," agreed Sir Cat Fondler, guiding me through a door that lead to Ciel. He was a lot shorter than I remember and he was wearing an eyepatch over his right eye. Obviously, everyone I knew back home weren't here now so it was safe to start over with the naming process. Okay, since I already named Butler Sebastian "Sir Cat Fondler," I needed to give Ciel a nickname.

"Welcome. I apologize, but what is your name?" he asked me.

"Ophelia Cornelius," I replied.

There was a small moment in time where Ciel sent a knowing look to Sebastian, causing him to leave and I couldn't help but feel threatened. Was he going to try and distract me, while Retro Rapeface got the chloroform in hopes of making me his "kitten?" I crossed my arms over my chest to concentrate on not letting my nose spout fountains of blood at that possibility.

"Well, Miss Ophelia, you wouldn't mind coming with us on a trip to town? I would like to compensate for what our household pet did," he said, standing up to his full height and walking out of the door, beckoning me to follow him.

"Yeah, sure."

We went downstairs and Sebastian was waiting with what I take as Ciel's coat and cane. What was Ciel in this place, a pimp? Holding in my laughter poorly, I couldn't hold in my unstoppable imagination.

**~Realization V: Title: If Ciel Was a Pimp~**

In the urban streets of London, there was a boy known as the Petite Pimp. Without him being decked out in a blue chinchilla coat and hat, you would confuse him for a regular well-mannered preteen. However, when he was in the streets and saw one of his hoes, the business hand with the ring on the middle finger came out in preparation for some abuse if they didn't have his money. If things got out of hand, his bouncer, Sebastian would "finish the job" by doing some persuasion of his own, if you catch my drift.

With this in mind, let's watch as Ciel puts on his pimp game on this one ho, by the name of Elizabeth Midford.

"H-Hey, Ciel," she shakily replied. This was a sign that she definitely didn't have his money, probably blown it on crack or meth. Whatever white people were into these days. The Petite Pimp snapped, holding his hand out expectantly.

"Where's my money, Lizzie?" he demanded.

There was a hesitant edge to her voice as she gave what she had to the Blueberry Pimp.

"This is all I have," she said, yanking her hand back once his hand collapsed around the insufficient funds.

"What do you expect me to do with this, Elizabeth? I can't even get a new cane with this, bitch!" he exclaimed, raising his business hand. Before he could follow through, his bouncer stopped him. "What, Sebastian?"

"You can't execute a proper punishment without this, sir," he said in a matter-of-factly tone as he presented one of his gloves. Ciel took the glove and swung it across the girl's face. It left a mark and he walked away, patrolling the streets for another one of hoes that was a week late on his payment. Yes, my friends. Ciel's pimping didn't just stop with the women. He pimped out men, as well. Why else you do you think Sebastian's diligently obedient to a twelve-year-old?

Alois Trancy didn't even get a chance to run as Ciel hounded on him faster than a stripper shakes on a pole and confronted him directly.

"Where's my money, Alois?" he once again demanded.

"Huh?"

"Did I stutter, ho? I _said, _where's my money?"

"Claude has it!" admitted the platinum blond. Ciel backed up and that made the scared teen feel safe until he felt the inside of his aggressor's palm collide with his cheek.

"You must think I'm dumb if you didn't expect me to check with him first _before _I got to you. Who the _hell _do you think I am?" the short boy ranted, popping a bullet in the air using the gun he kept in his coat.

"I'm sorry, Ciel!"

"I know you are. You better have my money or else you'll be getting a surprise in the morning."

So what we can learn from this is you better have _all _of the Petite Pimp's money or _you'll _come up short with a most unwelcome surprise in the morning.

**~Realization: End~**

"Are you all right, Miss Ophelia? You seem to be a bit red in the face," the Petite Pimp concernedly asked. I cleared my throat and calmed down. Boy, that felt good. I assured Ciel and Sebastian that I was fine, following them outside, where a horse and carriage awaited us. What the…are we in Amish country?

_No, Ophelia, _my common sense commented, _we're in late 1800s England._

Been awhile since I've heard from it personally, but I took that in stride and climbed into the thing. The wooden seats sourly reminded me of the bleachers in Gym class and how they end up chaffing my ass if I stayed on them for way too long. Sebastian started up the horse (see what I did there? Started up, like an engine-oh, I don't need to impress you!) and the bumpy ride commenced.

I would be lucky if my butt doesn't end more beat up than the hoes in that Realization I just had.

Thirty minutes passed and we were in town, where I noticed just how out-of-place my state of dress was. I looked like one of those newspaper boys. It was probably frowned upon to dress in that way, but guess who didn't give a care? By the time the carriage stopped, my rear was suffering and I think it showed on my face.

"Damn ass splinters…" I hissed, getting up when Sebastian opened the door. He put his hand out to assist me and-because I'm too gangsta for accepting anyone else's chivalry-I ignored his well-mannered gesture. Biggest mistake of my life. Okay, pretend you're going down the stairs. For reason that you're accustomed to how many stairs you have to travel, you sometimes think _you're _the boss and feel confident enough not to look at your feet. You're doing fine, _thinking_ you've cleared the last step when, in reality, you're about to stand on it and you miscalculate the distance thus falling on your ass.

That was what happened to me except Sir Cat Fondler managed to catch me in time. Clearing my throat to distract myself from feeling the blow to my pride, I thanked him and waited for Ciel to get out. He managed to be more successful than I. He lead the way into a building whose sign I didn't bother to read. Something told me that I should've.

The place had all sorts of scientific things everywhere, including one of those anatomical dummies Undertaker had in his room way back in Chapter Four…ah, shit. He was here, too! I just hope he's not as weird as he was back home. But, no. I bet that all of you on the other side of the computer screen are giggling like mad cuz you know something that _I _don't. Tell me, damn you! Tell me!

"Ah, welcome, Earl!" welcomed a particularly disturbing voice. I refused to open my eyes, even as he addressed me. "Would your guest like to sample one of my custom-made coffins?"

"Not again with this," I whimpered, opening my eyes. It was as I feared. Blenderface in all of his creepy "I'm-not-above-screwing-a-skeleton" glory, with the exception of a witch hat and that weird robe thing he was wearing with the sash.

Ciel rose an eyebrow. "You've met him before?"

"Let's just say me and him go way back. Yeah…that's it," I lied smoothly. So I'm not the best liar, but I can sure as heck make it sound like I mean it. In a way, I was telling the truth…they just didn't know. Sebastian knew, I bet. I mean, look at him! He was giving me the "I-know-you-lyin-but-I'll-rape-the-truth-out-of-you-yet" look.

"Anyway, Undertaker, I've come to ask what you know about the culprit behind Lizzie's kidnapping. I believe in our earlier visit you said that something 'supernatural' was involved…" Ciel said.

"The answer is right next to you, Earl," Blenderface replied. I suddenly felt nervous as everyone openly ogled at me. What did I have to do with kidnapping Elizabeth? Matter of fact, why am I always the creep every time! I can't even get a break in late eighteen-hundreds England!

"What do I have to do with anything?" I asked aloud.

"Now, in order for me to tell you, you must give me _that, _my lady," Undertaker said, drool sliding down his chin. I knew that this time would come!

"Nope! Sorry. I'm afraid you can't have my virginity, Undertaker."

I believe someone behind me face-palmed.

"No, Miss Ophelia. He wants you to make him laugh," Sebastian explained.

"Oh. Well, shouldn't be _that _hard. Pardon me, Undertaker." I went over to the Undertaker and started tickling him. No reaction, whatsoever. I turned to Sebastian. "Cover Ciel's ears."

"Excuse me, Young Master," he said to the Petite Pimp, placing his hands over the kid's ears.

"A guy named Russell Brand once said, 'I like threesomes with two women, not because I'm a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I'm a romantic. I'm looking for 'The One.' And I'll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time'," I recited from one of Grell's monologues back from Celebrity Day.

Ten seconds later and the most ugliest laugh erupted from Undertaker's mouth. I knew he was the type to like dirty jokes. He took a full five minutes to recover before he started to speak again.

"W-Well done, well done! I'll have to meet this Brand bloke one day," he giggled.

"Enough, Undertaker. Now, will you tell us how Miss Ophelia is involved with Elizabeth's kidnapping?" Ciel snapped.

"Aye. Five-hundred years ago, the Cornelius family have been cursed with immortality bestowed upon them by the very creature who has your dear fiancée. With it, they have been notorious for ambitiously hunting the supernatural, including angels, demons, and others of the sort in hopes of catching the foul beast.

"However, only the one directly related to the beast can successfully catch it and most know her by the name of Lady Aubergine seeing that she has an affinity for the color. Or in this case, she was until now."

OMFGWTF?…should sum up what I feel like at the moment. Basically, he was saying that I was some sort of ancient creature-hunter. Well, I have to say that I'm even spectacularly gangsta in late eighteen-hundreds England, son. The problem was Ciel and Sebastian were staring me down like I was able to anything about Elizabeth's kidnapping.

"What?" I squeaked.

"I believe that you are more than what you let on, Miss Ophelia. Or should I say, Lady Aubergine?" the butler accused.

"Apparently," I said in my "no-shit" tone. "But hey, I can still help, right?"

"Your help would be greatly appreciated, but we won't be able to get anywhere just standing here, now, will we?"

"Don't you sass me, Ciel!" I exclaimed. Damn, no wonder Beryl didn't give him a lot of face time in this story. "Child abuse sounds appealing at this moment…" That part I whispered to myself, as they walked out of the store. I was going to follow them out, but something occurred to me. I walked up to Undertaker and flipped up his bangs.

All I had to say was that his eyes were pretty damn sexy.

"No wonder you won 'Prettiest Eyes'," I said. "Got any of those biscuits?"

I left with the whole jar after I tried one. These things tasted like…an orgasm. Before I could enjoy another, I was confronted by Sebastian. He was cynically silent as he approached me.

"Hey. Got a problem?"

I mean, it was an innocent-sounding question, right? Sebastian decided to answer it, shaking me to the core of my soul.

"No, Miss Ophelia. And I hope that there won't be after what you said concerning my master. Because if you expect to act on those words or make me think that you're a threat to his wellbeing, I won't hesitate to kill you," he threatened nonchalantly, smiling the _whole damn time. _You know the smile. The "I-will-cheerfully-murder-you-and-hang-your-body-in-my-closet-to-remind-myself-how-deadly-sexy-I-am" smile. If you know me well, you would understand that I'm a boss. I can't take that lying down. I'm sorry. I just can't. Even if he was serious, which I doubt that he was joking.

But my question was, how in the hell did he hear me? Most normal people can't pick up my whispers of promising death.

"I was…joking?" I bargained, laughing nervously.

"I surely hope so, Miss Ophelia. I surely hope so," he said, making me sigh in relief once Ciel decided to join us. He had a piece of paper in his hands.

"This is the letter I received the day Elizabeth got captured. Do you recognize the handwriting?" he elaborated, handing me the letter.

_Dear Earl Phantomhive,_

_I have your fiancée. If you want her back, bring your handsome demon butler as compensation by the full moon at the Cornelius Manor. I look forward to meeting him personally and thoroughly teach _him _the meaning of "no."_

_Lady Saffron_

"Do you know?" Petite Pimp queried.

"It's my sister. She fancies Sebastian…a lot. Once again, I have to rescue him," I revealed.

"Once again?" the butler repeated.

"Stop being nosy-"

My reply was cut off when, in the corner of my eye, I saw Beverly. I took off running, following her into an isolated area. Of course, she wasn't there and I was faced with something I wasn't prepared for.

* * *

><p>Crossing the fifth person off of the "To-Die" list, Grell Sutcliff groaned pitifully. He was horribly bored, having to actually do his work and all. He <em>would <em>wander off in search of his favorite demon, but he was, unfortunately, being watched by whom he dubbed the "Terrible Two."

Elizabeth Ren was the lesser evil amongst the Death Goddesses. She was currently spraying her Death Scythe over the redheaded reaper's head. The liquid that came from the pesticide dispenser was actually sugar water and could not harm him, but dropping this on a human would certainly guarantee death. She sang "may you be eaten to death by mosquitoes…" ominously as he reviewed the Cinematic Record.

"Izzy, stop~!" he whined, shielding the "To-Die" list from the liquid.

"May you be eaten to death by mosquitoes, Grell!" she reiterated childishly, moving in closer to the redhead. "C'mon, we might be able to escape from Viki!"

Grell knew if he listened to his silly colleague, his supervising Shinigami-also his close friend-would do _that _to him, and he didn't really like the punishment she gave him. Plus, the overtime paperwork Will would give him would do absolute murder on his wrist.

But Grell was Grell and he _never _passed up an opportunity to see his beloved Bassy!

"Grell!" shouted a firm voice. A woman with thick-framed glasses and her hair in a bun appeared next to him. "Oh, good. You're actually doing some work."

Victoria Perez was a stern Shinigami, very efficient and cutthroat. Most Supervising Shinigami were and despite her hard exterior, she and Grell were the best of friends. They even went shopping together. But work was work and if she caught Grell goofing off, there was Hell to pay. Then after she nursed the injuries she would mostly be responsible for, she would treat him to a meal.

"Of course, I am, Viki"-He received a deadly glower-"Victoria~!"

"And it's a miracle you are because you know what would happen if William were to find out. I swear, that man needs a good tup* every now and then, and I wouldn't mind giving it to-"

The blushing Shinigami shook herself from her fantasizing and looked up. She swore, loudly. During one of her rare inattentive rants, Grell had gone off again and so much for the Shinigami that wouldn't stop begging her to come along. Like a woman possessed, Victoria went on the pursuit after the mischievous pair.

Thus bringing us to where Ophelia was carelessly lingering around. She barely saw anything coming before some freak with a chainsaw came crashing down in front of her.

"Oh, Bassy~!" he crooned, halting the revving thing once he realized that the confused girl before him was not who he thought it was. "You're not Bassy."

"Grell, where'd you get that chainsaw?" she inquired, crossing her arms over her chest. "This place gets crazier and crazier by the second. My boyfriend's a chainsaw-wielding maniac, my classmates want to kill and/or violate me…what's next? My sister suddenly becoming important?"

" 'Boyfriend?' I'll have you know, girl, that I am a lady. And ladies don't date other ladies!" he raged, swinging his hips.

"…Yep, this is definitely _not _the twenty-first century. And you're not going to ask how I know you cuz it's actually a funny story-"

"Move, Miss Ophelia!" called Sebastian's voice. The purple-clad girl dodged Grell's abrupt attack (which was due to her clumsy self falling backwards) and watched as the butler kicked the rampaging redhead away.

"Damn, Sebastian! Did you kill him?"

"If that were possible, I believe I would have killed him already," the slightly peeved butler disclosed, pulling on his gloves to secure them.

"Oh, you wound me, yet again, Bassy~!" squealed the flamboyant redhead, starting up his chainsaw. Prior to launching his next attack, Ophelia intervened, holding out her hand to stop him.

"Finish this sentence for me, Grell: I'm a deadly efficient…"

"Butler!" he responded with a sultry smile and signature pose.

"Wrong!"

The black-haired teen punched him in the face. "That's for that time in Chapter Two where you grabbed my ass!"

She continued naming off different incidents where the Grell in her time embarrassed her as she beat him into a pulp. She was soon interrupted by an abrupt downpour. Sebastian snatched her up in time, saving her from the corrosive effects the fluid had.

"So _you're _the demon Grell was talking about!" declared a Shinigami, wearing what Ophelia identified as a Japanese schoolgirl uniform. "You _are _cute!"

The butler sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Another one…"

"Demon? Y'know, that explains a lot of things, actually-"

And then, Grell and his reaper colleague was attacked by a hoe. No, the actual gardening tool. A stern-looking Death Goddess noticed the spectators nearby, fixing her glasses.

"Wouldn't you agree that I know how to handle a hoe?" she announced. Only Ophelia got the double entendre, laughing so unnecessarily hard. "I apologize for my…fellow workers. My name is Victoria Spears-I mean, Perez, and I will be reaping the soul of a 'Ophelia Cornelius?'"

"What!" shouted the soul in question.

"I'm afraid that I can't allow you to do that, Miss Perez," argued Sebastian.

"Damn straight-"

"Or, at least, not right now. Miss Ophelia has business with my master at the moment. Perhaps if you could come back at a later time."

"All right. Once again, I apologize for this inconvenience, sir, miss. Come, Grell, Elizabeth. I have to explain to William the reason for your incompetence, once more," said Victoria, dragging the two away.

"Aw…make sure you say the dog made me do it, 'kay?" Elizabeth bartered.

"No~! Viki!" Grell whined.

Victoria took out a bottle of strong-smelling cologne and sprayed it on the redhead.

"Bad, Grell! Bad!"

"Ahhhh! Now, I smell like a man!"

"Eat it, you wench! And it's VICTORIA!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Ophelia looked at Sebastian. "So…that happens normally?"

"In a nutshell. Now, shall we get going?"

_-Late Night, Cornelius Manor-_

"Trust me, Sebastian. This is totally gonna work," Ophelia told the reluctant butler while loosening the maroon-eyed man's clothing. "If you show a lot of skin, guaranteed we're gonna win! And it's her birthday today! So do as I told you between the time lapse and I'll handle the rest."

The poor guy just sighed. He roamed the hallways of the manor, feeling indecently exposed as the purple-clad girl was following far behind him. Clearing his throat, he began his performance.

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday, dear Beverly…Happy Birthday to you…" he sang, then he was pounced.

"Ah, Sebby! How'd you know it was my birthday-wait, where did those sunglasses come from? Aw…" Beverly knew what was going to happen too late. Her sister flashed her with the _Men in Black _memory-erasing thing, triumphantly posing. All of a sudden, she felt like she was falling again…

_-Ophelia's POV-_

"Ollie…Ollie, wake up!" Ginger's voice called. I opened my eyes. The redhead was concerned, standing over me. I was in his car, outside of the school.

"What the…Grell? Finish this sentence: I'm a deadly efficient…"

"Dancer~! Are you okay, Ollie?"

"Oh, thank God! It was only just a dream…" I sighed, relieved.

"A dream?" Grell repeated.

"Yeah. Sebastian was a demonic butler, you were a chainsaw-wielding maniac, my sister was a freak, Ciel was a pimp…but it was all…just…a…dream?"

In the far end of the parking lot, I saw Ciel in his chinchilla coat and toting his cane, counting some money in his hand, making me question why he hadn't been my closest friend in this fanfiction.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *tup: screw or (if you're ambitious) fuck.**

**OMG, guys! This was the longest chapter ever, hands down! Twelve pages, single-spaced. But I usually 1.5 space it *goes to do that* when I'm done so technically, it's a whopping 18 PAGES! WOAH! So tell me, didja like it? **

**One more chapter. Tell me how you feel and review! Oh and make sure you go to my profile and check out some drawings! I drew the Shinigami characters, too!**


	13. Chapter 13

**13~Graduation**

The last two days of school was an experience to say the least. Everyone was emotional, of course. Even I was, at one point. I was ecstatic that I wouldn't have to put up with my ridiculous British Literature's memory lapses and the awkward moments of silence when I'm faced with Coach Spears. And thank goodness for no longer having to suffer through Mrs. Durless's perverted escapades.

"And?" you ask. "What about the Home Economics teacher?"

Good question. He waited until the very end to get on my nerves. Someone brought up how they were hungry after eating lunch. The following tirade lasted the rest of the class period.

"Merciful Kali! This is why I cannot stand by and watch as you kids eat so poorly! Do you know what you're really racing for everyday? Frozen food! There is no compassion or dedication put into the meal the cafeteria workers serve you. Just…radiation! If this was my school, I'd make sure every child…"

Thankfully, my wandering mind saved me from the rest of his moving speech and delivered me to the very last dismissal bell I would hear in my senior year. Like an approaching siren, Grell's incessant wailing caught my attention and I sighed, holding out my arms to him as he crashed into me.

"You know that we'll see each other at Graduation, right?" I said to the redhead, pushing him off of my boobs. I mean, they could only take so much.

"But we'll be in chronological order…!" Ginger whined.

"I'll make it my mission to find you then, since you're so hopeless without me."

"Then I'll get my kiss? With tongue~?"

"…I don't know about tongue, but you'll get something."

Tomorrow came quicker than expected and all of the graduates had to be ready three hours in advance. Girls wear all white and guys wear red. Guess who was excited about that? We couldn't eat at all once we were inside the stadium where we were graduating. I thought that sucked ass so Undertaker and I snuck McDonald's under our gowns. As we descended the many ramps (while people were wondering where they were smelling fries and Big Macs) to get to the middle of field, I saw Sebastian. And he looked kinda bigger than I was used to.

"Hey, Sebastian," I greeted, patting him on the shoulder. It was meaty. Didn't know he was bulimic. "You look a bit bigger than usual…something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Ophelia. Why do you ask?" he answered calmly. I just told him to disregard it and went on eating my twenty-piece McNuggets. Hell no, I wasn't gonna share. Believe it or not, I could finish these all by myself. Yeah, I was _that _hungry. I saw Ciel nearby. Who said it was too late to make friends now?

"Hey, Ciel. How you feeling?" I asked, smiling like an idiot.

"I feel fine, Ophelia. You?" he replied politely.

"I'm good. I kinda saw you counting some money earlier this week…you had a big coat on, too." He didn't seem to get the point. "You pimpin'?"

Ciel had a understanding look on his face and laughed. "No. I'm anemic; I get cold easily. And that money you saw, that was the money for my cap and gown. I hadn't ordered it 'til last minute."

I face-palmed. Damn misleading images! Laughing off my misunderstanding, I pat Ciel on the shoulder (which he flinched at) and went off to find someone else to bother. Strangely enough, I saw Mr. Lau. So ready to investigate, I caught up to him and gathered his attention.

"Hello, Ophelia," he smiled. "Excited?"

"Ah, yeah. Mr. Lau, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to come 'til 5:45," I explained to him. There was no bout of forgetfulness as he gave me a look that said, "duh-bitch-don't-you-think-I-know-that?" as we continued walking down the ramp.

"I must have forgotten to tell you: I'm a _student _teacher. Our British Literature teacher was on maternity leave and said she'll give me a grade based on my performance as a teacher. I do believe I almost failed…"

Face-palm number freakin' two.

Shaking my head in disgrace, I picked up the pace. Eventually, we made it to the field. There were three-hundred or so chairs lined up perfectly, with our names on it. I figured that I was in the second or third row, somewhere. Before I could start the quest to find my seat, I was bombarded by my redhead. He was babbling way too fast for me to understand and I had to steady him by holding onto his arms.

"Grell, you're talking _way _too fast. Calm down and repeat that, please," I ordered carefully.

"I'm so nervous, Ollie! I was practicing in the mirror last night and I was so confident, 'til now!" he prattled on, hyperventilating.

"Practice? For what?" I slapped him. "Breathe!"

"My speech. I'm the Salutatorian and Ciel's supposed to be introducing me," he elaborated. You know, I'm gonna let you do this one this time. Come on. Pretend the computer screen is my face and slap me on the forehead. Don't break your webcam and if you don't have one, don't break your fingers. Ah, there we go! Three face-palms in less than thirty minutes! _Three!_

"What can you possibly be nervous about, Ginger? You've been hanging out with the boss. You would think that some of my awesomeness would rub off of you," I accused. He seemed a bit doubtful. "Say it."

"Say what?"

" 'I'm the boss'. Go on. Say it," I encouraged.

"I'm…the boss."

"Give me more enthusiasm than that! Like you saw Sebastian shirtless or something. I'm the boss!"

"I'm the boss!"

"There we go-"

"I'm the boss!" chanted the redhead nonstop and I figured that Undertaker snuck in his boombox, cuz I could hear rap music blasting as Ginger was chanting in tune with the beat. The music was making him cocky, now. Seeking out the grey-haired creep, I signaled for him to cut the music. Grell stopped hopping around and wrapped his arms around me, sounding moved by my motivational actions.

"Thank you, Ollie. You're always helping me out, like the first time we met. That's why I love you~!" he said, pulling away from me.

"Yeah, me too. Except this time, Spears's not here to give me a poor grade," I joked. Grell seemed not amused by my not-so-heartfelt response.

"Say it," he commanded.

"Say what?"

" 'I love you,' of course!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Ollie~! If you don't say it, I don't think I'll make it through."

What did that sound like? That didn't sound too suicidal to you, did it? Okay, what he didn't know was that I'm way too boss for the word *censored*. See how my brain does not process it as a clean word when it's not in quotation marks? If I try to say it, it'll sound like I'm struggling to pass speech therapy. But for Ginger, I'll guess I'll make an honest attempt.

"All right, don't get your panties in a twist! Okay. You ready? Here we go. Grell Sutcliff, I luh-ehh, luehh," I tried. At this point, I was sounding as if I was throwing up a hairball. Grell's eyes were getting watery. Oh, man! He was going to do what he should've did back in Chapter One.

"Don't get disappointed, yet! Halt the waterworks, 'kay? One more chance!" I begged, for the first time in my life, if I may mention. He nodded his head. What should I do, now? Help me, audience! What was that? Okay, I got you. See, this is why I *censored* you guys. Luh-Love! Ha, got it!

I took his hands and held them tightly. Looking into his eyes, I inhaled then exhaled heavily.

"Forgive me. I just had McDonald's," I apologized.

"What?"

Then I kissed him. Before he could get all happy and start shoving his tongue down my throat, I pulled away and smiled as brightly as I could to distract him from the fact that I hadn't said what he wanted…at least, not yet. All in due time, guys. All in due time. Bosses make a spectacle of themselves, no matter the situation.

Ginger was red in the face, eyes glazed over. He came back to earth soon enough, with that weird expression on his face. I'm going to ask you for the last time to pretend that this is anime. He had that "oh-I-could-just-rape-you" face on, with the drool and everything.

"That should do for now, right?" I negotiated, patting his cheek. The one on his face, of course. He stood there, nodded his head absentmindedly, and went off to find his seat. I shrugged my shoulders and went on to find my seat, which was conveniently placed next to the bird rapist. Please note the sarcasm.

"Hello there, my elegant raven," he welcomed, grinning.

"Hey, Goose. How's it going?" I sighed.

"G-Goose?" he repeated, then he seemed to faint out of shock. I've been knocking all the guys out today, huh? Lucky, cuz that's what's in my job description as a boss. Ten minutes pass, and the graduation coordinator (which happened to be Coach Spears) shows up. He told us that we'll be practicing how we'll exit and enter the stadium until the graduation started, the time being six-o-clock. It was thirty minutes after three. Face-palm number four!

So we practiced…and practiced…and practiced up to the point I struck myself stupid enough not to register time anymore.

"All right, everyone. You have fifteen minutes. When you hear the bullhorn, you'll know that it's time to line up. _Chronologically_, this time, Miss Cornelius," Spears announced. Middle finger in the air, I ran across the turf and went to the bathroom. Girls were in there, chattering animatedly, some crying with their friends. I did my thing and came back out into the hallway, where my fellow graduates were acting a fool, dancing around.

"Hey, Ollie!"

Alois and Claude were approaching. I saw that the both of them had special cords laying across their gowns.

"Hey, guys. What's up?"

"We were wondering if you knew about why Sebastian's all fat," Blondie clarified, green eyes directed at Claude, who was particularly beaming at this fact. "Claude's pretty happy about it, but he's not _Valedictorian_, aren't you, Claude?"

Claude adjusted his glasses, as if that bothered him.

"Every time he walks by, he makes an odd sound. It peaks my interest to find out what it is," he informed.

"It never occurred to you that he just might be making raspberry tarts?" I suggested. "Like-hell-we-know-what-that-means" was the perfect way to describe their curious looks. "Farts."

"I don't think he was raised to do that in public, Ophelia," argued the bespectacled guy. I shrugged. Suddenly, the bullhorn sounded and it was absolute pandemonium. Everyone was rushing back and forth to find the person who they were in front of to get organized properly. Grell caught me by the wrist.

"Wish me luck~!" he sang, kissing my nose and dancing away. He was lucky that I was in a rush! Fortunately, I found bird rapist and waited patiently for the call to assemble in the stadium. In the meantime, graduates in the front of the line were trying to start the wave. It wasn't successful for the few first times, but people eventually caught on.

The line started to move and I could hear the cheers of the audience. Hopefully, my parents weren't going to instigate a fistfight like they did in my elementary ceremony. We all marched in to the sound of majestic-sounding music and sat down in a synchronized fashion. I spaced out during the principal's words and _definitely _didn't tune in when Coach began speaking. It was once Ciel came up to the podium that I brought myself back.

"You might know this next student as a studious and unique individual. Flamboyant, active, and generous, our Salutatorian is never afraid to be the one to stand out amongst a crowd. Please give a round of applause for one deadly efficient scholar, Grell Sutcliff," introduced the Petite Pimp, clapping for the redhead. Of course, they wanted to disrespect him and not clap as much so, like a boss, I stood up on my chair like a jackass and clapped like I never clapped before. Surprisingly, several others joined me.

Grell grinned and I gave him a thumbs up as he began to read his speech. It was weird seeing him all professional. Then things started to get depressing.

"Although I would seem to be bright and happy most of the time, I was actually plotting to end my life. I thought to myself, 'There's no one to blame, but yourself. Why couldn't you be like the rest? You wouldn't be like this if you weren't so different'. Then Ophelia came into my life."

Shut up, I wasn't crying. My eyes are dry, that's all.

Grell chuckled.

"She saved me from being stuck behind the bleachers and from myself," he continued, then he took off his glasses. He was crying. Everyone in the crowd was encouraging him, shouting "Aw, Grell!" and "Don't be sad!" but he was still having difficulty. This, my friends, is what I meant by "all in due time".

Gathering all my mettle, I shouted, "The Boss loves you, Grell Sutcliff!"

"I love you, too, Ollie!"

"Like you should, now get on with it, this seat is really chaffing my ass!"

Everyone laughed. Grell was able to finish his speech and called Sebastian to the stage. He waddled up there and in the middle of the speech, I was beginning to think that my vision was going out. I saw little balls of fur rolling across the stage. I nudged bird rapist.

"Do you see what I see?" I asked him, pointing to the moving stage.

"Yes, they look like-"

He was interrupted by the flood of cats that came running out of Sebastian's gown. However, he continued to speak and finished his speech, chasing after the little fur balls quickly. I died from laughter. The principal came to the podium.

"Now, introducing our guest speaker. He's a popular one amongst young ones your age. He's a icon in the rap industry and is responsible for why most of you sag your pants. Please welcome, Snoop Dogg!"

The crowd erupted in applause as a black dude with stud earrings and braided hair came on stage, with a thousand other people, emerging from smoke emitted from a smoke machine. I was guessing that they were his posse.

"What's up, my nizzles?" He coughed a bit. "Chronic got me fucked up. Snoop D-o-double G in this thang. I'm very proud to say that it's good to see young'uns graduatin', especially during such hard times. Now, who's ready to get up out of this bi-atch?" he said. Everyone cheered. "I see you, I see you. Now, I'm about to bounce cuz lil Ray Ray and them didn't feed the meter outside and I don't want my shit to get towed. So do ya'll thang and buy my new album. Peace!"

He left and the Alma Mater started playing for our school. It was our cue to stand up and start singing. However, it was interrupted by "Drop It Like It's Hot". You know, that song that plays on that Sun Drop soda Commercial. The Sun Drop Girl from that very commercial came on stage, dancing provocatively with her own posse and most of the graduates rushed the stage to join them. Especially Alois. Who knew he could get down like that?

Out of nowhere, beach balls fall from above us and gunshots rang out. The balls pop and out comes spaghetti and our diplomas. Coach Spears hollered, running out on the field, drunk and did a couple of cartwheels. Random, but this story wouldn't be that funny if it weren't for the randomness that occurs. I guess I have to give a speech, too.

Climbing onto the stage with Grell's assistance, I get behind the podium and face you guys, the audience.

"This has been awesome O.C., Ophelia Cornelius, also known as the New Girl. It's been fun relaying my experiences to you guys. I'd like to thank Beryl, for being crazy bored enough to create this unexpected hit. Believe me, it won't be the last time you see me, but I'll miss you all the same. So this has been _Musings of a New Girl. _I love you guys and I hope you come visit sometimes. Ollie out!"

"Ollie, who are you talking to?"

"None of your concern, Ginger. None of your concern."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *sniffs* OMG, you guys. I've had an absolutely WONDERFUL time writing this and laughing at Ollie's silliness. So some of you guys have been begging me to make more and I have to inform you that there will be a sequel. *shields ears from fangirl squealing* But it's more of a spin-off. To see what's up, go check my profile and you will be pleased to see the layout of other Kuroshitsuji stories! If you have suggestions, PM me!**

**Review! Love you lots!**


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